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 Say something, Kieran Hill
Kieran Hill
 Posted: Feb 26 2018, 11:00 AM
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Natalie


It wasn't like he just had one thing on his mind. The whole situation with Carly was just one of them. Maybe it just felt like everything had become too much at the moment and if he wasn't careful he really would end up having some huge breakdown. He didn't want that to happen for the sake of his daughter more than anything, so he knew he had to look after himself. He just didn't like people trying to help him, it made him feel weak. But that wasn't an excuse for pushing his loved ones away, Zoe was just concerned and if he didn't try to let her in she was just going to walk away. He didn't want to lose her over this but he feared that was the way this was going to end.

He was glad she couldn't read his mind. His own mind could be a scary place sometimes especially when he was consumed by so many negative thoughts that he couldn't seem shift lately. But like he'd said, Zoe was smart, he was quite sure she knew what was really worrying him. He'd have thought it was obvious why he hadn't wanted Carly to see him or Grace. If she set her eyes on either of them she might change her mind and start doing all she could to claim her daughter back. So Zoe was spot on with her theory. "Well done. A gold star for you" he muttered, realising he'd probably been a little patronising there. He could either continue to refuse to talk or take this as an opportunity to actually tell her how he was feeling. He shook his head to answer her question though, "No. But sometimes I think it'll only be a matter of time" he shrugged, "She will get curious... if she's not already. And then she'll contact me... I mean, it'd be so easy. She only has to google my name and she'll find my website. She could track me down easily... pose as a client... next thing she'll be on my doorstep demanding to take Grace with her" he finally admitted everything that was bothering him about this situation. He hadn't meant to tell Zoe all that, it had just come out without thinking. He took a deep breath and ran a hand over his jaw again, "It will destroy me" he said, staring at the floor as he thought about the seriousness of it and how much he couldn't bear the thought of losing his daughter.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Feb 26 2018, 02:04 PM
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Kate


Zoe ignored his somewhat patronising comment about getting a gold star. What mattered was that she was right. And now they were finally getting somewhere! Maybe if she could get him to talk a little he might actually end up feeling better and realising that opening up to her wasn't as hard as he thought it was. It saddened her that he was really worried about Carly potentially coming back, whether it be now or in the future. But he couldn't live his life worrying about something that might not happen because he was going to end up being miserable. If he wasn't already. Because clearly something inside him had changed, in her eyes he hadn't seemed happy since Christmas.

It was hard knowing what to say, especially when there was a good chance he was just going to snap at her and tell her she was wrong. He had it in his head now that all these things were going to happen, it was like he was preparing himself for the worst. "No one is going to take Grace away from you" she said softly, her whole life was with Kieran and she was settled. "You're her whole world. I've known that since the day I met her" she said, she wasn't just saying that because she thought it were the things he needed to hear. It was just obvious how much Grace loved and admired her dad. One thing was for sure, she was always going to be a daddy's girl. With a small sigh she placed a hand on Kieran's arm, shifting slightly so she was a little closer to him on the couch. "You're destroying yourself already" she said, "Please don't tear yourself apart over something that hasn't happened... might never happen" she said, it was important to perhaps be prepared somehow, but not to the extent that he ruined his whole life over it. She rubbed his arm lightly, "I know what it's like to be anxious over something. You start thinking of every possible scenario. That's... what you've been doing, am I right?" she asked, giving him a small nudge. He'd been overthinking and she knew now just what he'd been worrying about. It broke her heart a little that he was clearly in so much pain over this, especially when anyone could see what an amazing father he was to Grace and how much he'd done for his little girl.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Feb 27 2018, 08:22 AM
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Natalie


How did she know Grace wasn't going to be taken from him? He knew he was reading into this all far too much, Carly would have to be extremely evil to walk back into his life and take Grace away from him. He didn't think she was evil, or necessarily a bad person, she'd just been young and taken him for a fool. People could change though, he knew he wasn't the same person he'd been when he was nineteen and that was why he believed Carly was one day going to regret the decision of giving her child away. Whatever happened, he had to make sure he did what was right for Grace and as much as he didn't like the idea of it, he couldn't deny her the right to meet her own mother. Not that he saw Carly as Grace's mother, more as just someone who had given birth to his child.

He didn't move Zoe's hand away when she touched his arm, perhaps he needed the reassurance more than he thought he did. It was still difficult having to talk about all of this though. What he realised was that Zoe was probably right, even just thinking about what possibly could happen was getting him down. Why should he even been worrying when from what he'd seen Carly was happily in love with her new boyfriend and didn't appear to have a care in the world. Why should he give her so much as a second thought when neither he or Grace would ever be on her mind? He needed to stop this before things got out of control. He went quiet for a bit because everything Zoe had just said had made sense and he couldn't snap at her for that. "Yes..." he said softly, admitting that she was right. "I just... think I need to be prepared... in case she turns up out of the blue one day. I'm not going to let her take her away from me, but I can't deny her access if she wants to see her" he shrugged, again he knew he was fretting over this far too much. "It's just a difficult situation. And... say she never comes back and Grace wants to find her one day? I don't want to stand in her way... but I'm selfish. She'd resent me for the rest of her life if I didn't let her" he shrugged and then ran a hand through his hair, "Fuck... why did I ever think this was going to be easy. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else and do things normally?" he whined, putting his head in his hands again because it felt like such a fucking mess the more he thought about the situation. Yet if he really thought about it, there was nothing to worry about. His daughter lived with him, he'd had no huge custody battle because the mother of his child had agreed to let him raise her. His concern was just that she would go back on that promise and therefore turn his life upside down yet again.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Feb 27 2018, 10:35 AM
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Kate


Wow. Now she could see why he'd been so distant lately. It was no wonder when he had these crazy thoughts going around his head. It was hard to think about anything else when you were so fixated on something. In his case he was clearly terrified of Carly coming back and making his life hell. Now, Zoe didn't know the girl so she had no idea how likely it was that would happen. From what she gathered the girl was just young and lied one too many times to get an older man to like her. And then she'd ended up pregnant with a child she clearly wanted nothing to do with. Zoe couldn't even begin to imagine being in that kind of position now, never mind when she'd been nineteen. But giving a baby up and walking away without giving it another thought? She'd never be able to do that. And so she could understand why Kieran was afraid she'd change her mind one day.

Zoe rubbed his arm lightly again, "It's... sometimes a good thing to be prepared, but you can't live your life worrying about it" she said, he'd only end up missing out on all the good stuff. Worrying got you nowhere, she knew that from experience. "Whatever happens, or whatever doesn't happen... I know you'll do the right thing" she said, that probably wasn't what he wanted to hear and it more than likely wasn't going to help. It also made her wonder how she might feel herself if Carly came back into his life, that was something Zoe was going to have to deal with too. "What matters is that Grace knows she's very loved. I think she's stolen my heart just as much as you have" she nudged him again, Grace was very much a part of her life too and she wouldn't have gotten into this relationship if she thought it was going to be a problem.

There was no right or wrong way to do things. Sure, it wasn't often that the dad was left holding the baby, but it happened and besides, every family was different. Especially these days. "What is normal though? Things don't always go to plan. Look at my sister... she was crazy in love with her boyfriend, everyone thought they were going to be together forever. But it didn't last... not even after Callum came along. I mean... they still get along and I don't think there's any hard feelings there, but Callum only sees his dad at weekends" she shrugged, trying to make him see that it was different for everyone. "Carly was going to give her up for adoption, right? She must have thought long and hard about that... it can't be an easy decision to make. I think that's probably your answer right there, I don't think she has any plans on coming back for her" she said, she could of course be wrong, but how could you commit to something like that without being serious?

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Feb 28 2018, 08:33 AM
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Natalie


Kieran had always thought he was quite a laid back kind of guy, he didn't tend to worry a lot or stress over the small things. Yet that all seemed to be changing lately and he hated it. He hoped it was just a passing phase because Zoe was right, he couldn't live his life worrying about something that might not happen. He'd just have to cross that bridge when he came to it, but he still felt like he needed to prepare somehow. He would do what was right for Grace, not choosing the easiest option just because it suited him. And again, Zoe spoke a lot of sense, what really mattered was that Grace knew she was loved. She was already a happy and healthy child with a family that adored her. Knowing that Zoe had bonded with her so well was also one less thing he had to worry about, there would have been nothing worse than falling for a girl and then realising his daughter was just seen as an inconvenience to her. "You're such an amazing role model for her" he managed to smile slightly at this point, he really was very lucky wasn't he?

He didn't know exactly what he considered as 'normal'. He supposed that was meeting a girl, falling in love, getting married and then having a child. At least that was seen as the traditional way of doing things. Marriage and kids had never been on his agenda. Every family was different, he knew that from his own experience of growing up. It had just been his mother and himself. It was almost like history had repeated itself somehow with his own situation now. He listened as Zoe spoke about her sister and how things hadn't worked out. "I don't think I could deal with just being a weekend dad" he said, it might have been different if that was all he'd known, but he was not willing to give up his daughter now just to see her once a week. He sighed lightly again, perhaps Zoe had a point, adoption was an extremely serious decision to make. He'd always thought Carly had been a bright girl, despite lying to him of course, but she'd seemed intelligent and that was probably why he'd fallen for her lies. "Maybe not" he said, wanting to agree with Zoe but he wasn't quite sure, "She was so adamant about putting her up for adoption. She wouldn't even listen to me... didn't care about my rights as the father" he shrugged, "Only reason I think she changed her mind was because she knew I'd have taken legal action" he said, he would have hired a top lawyer if he'd needed to. He'd never have been able to sleep at night knowing someone else was bringing up his own daughter. "It could have been a different situation altogether. She might have taken Grace herself and barely let me see her" he said, realising how very different things could have been and how lucky he should consider himself.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Feb 28 2018, 10:16 AM
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Kate


Zoe wasn't really sure she knew anything about raising children, though she'd done her fair share of helping out with bringing up her nephew. Obviously she wanted to be a cool aunt! If she was going to be a big part of Grace's life then she'd like to think she could be someone she could look up to and also see as a friend. God, the last thing she'd want to be seen as was an evil stepmother. So she really did appreciate Kieran's kind words, "I'm glad you think so" she smiled, though how could she not like Grace? The little girl was such a little sweetheart, completely oblivious at this stage of her life as to how much her father clearly worried.

She had a feeling that Callum's dad didn't exactly think the situation was ideal, but Laila had always co-operated with him, not wanting to take his son away from him so she made sure he saw him as much as he could. Things could be a whole lot worse. Kieran was lucky he got Grace all to himself because a lot of fathers didn't get that. She stayed quiet as he spoke up again, voicing his concerns at last which she was so glad he was doing. It was hard to know how the future would pan out, it was too early to tell, so he needed to just take one day a time and stop worrying. "I think... some people genuinely have the ability to walk away and not look back. She made her choice, Kieran" she said softly, not that saying that was going to stop him from worrying. "I probably only saw her for about five seconds, but she looked happy with her boyfriend... I guess she has her own life she just wants to get on with" she added, wondering if the boyfriend knew anything about her having had a child. Probably not. Things could have been different and Kieran wondering about all this made her wonder what he was actually happy with. "Do you think you would have tried to make things work with Carly? I mean... say she'd wanted to keep the baby?" she asked, she didn't want to make the situation worse, but now she was just curious.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Feb 28 2018, 02:12 PM
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Natalie


Yes, Carly had made a choice that she'd clearly thought long and hard about, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to change her mind one day. Kieran didn't see how he was ever going to stop worrying about this. He'd already been looking up Carly's public social media profiles which he didn't really want to have to admit to doing, Zoe didn't need to know that. He just needed reassurance that she was staying away. Hopefully she was back at college in California now, as far away from him as possible. "Like my dad. He walked away, he didn't give a shit about me" he said, that was a whole other story altogether and something else he didn't like talking about. It was true though, he'd walked away and never come back. Kieran didn't really get too curious about him, why would he want to go looking for someone who had never wanted him? Some things were just better left in the past. Carly should be one of those things too. "I wonder how much her boyfriend knows. He'd probably run a mile if he knew the truth" he said, he wasn't bitter, he was just annoyed that she'd managed to string him along feeding him a bunch of lies that he'd fallen for. He'd always thought he'd been a good judge of character until he'd met Carly.

He didn't think he really wanted to talk about this anymore, but he was trying his best. He owed that to Zoe. Though he wasn't quite sue why she asked him that last question, he'd already made it clear he'd not had feelings for the girl. He sighed and shook his head, "No. I wouldn't stay with someone just for the sake of a child. That's wrong" he said, hesitating for a moment whilst he thought for a bit. "I already told you... what we had together... it was mainly just sex" he said, he knew it didn't look great but he was only being honest. "I liked her a lot... and I guess I could have developed feelings for her over time, but she wasn't the person I thought she was. She lied to me and once someone loses my trust, I ain't going back there" he shrugged, not to mention she was just far too young for him too. He hesitated again, he still had way too many thoughts. "Grace is going to be old enough to start asking questions soon. I don't ever want to lie to her, but how the fuck do I tell my daughter that she doesn't have a mommy because she didn't want her?" he bit his lip, that was something he really needed to prepare for. Kids were curious and he didn't expect Grace to be any different.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Mar 1 2018, 06:52 AM
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Kate


His father was most likely another subject he didn't want to talk about. In fact he'd never spoken about him much but then if the man had walked out on him at such a young age and never come back for him, then she could see it was something he wouldn't want to talk about. She could see why he was so determined to be the best father he could, not wanting to end up like his own dad. Well, there was no worry of that happening. She bit her lip, deciding not to say anything when he came to his dad, perhaps that was a topic for another day. She didn't want to push him any further than she needed to tonight.

As for Carly, without knowing anything about her, it was hard to know whether she might have told her boyfriend or not. It was something that would probably be kept as a secret, but perhaps that depended on how much she trusted and cared about her new boyfriend. Zoe didn't really want to speculate over anything and she didn't want to start thinking 'what if' either. She didn't want to get in the way if Carly were to come back, she was Grace's biological mother and still had a right to see her if she wanted. Though for Kieran's sake, she hoped she really did stick to her word and stay away. Kieran had told her before that what he'd had with Carly hadn't really been anything more than sex. She'd already established that he'd never really been the kind to hold down relationships so it wasn't like it came as a shock to her. He'd had a life before her. "Do you trust me?" she asked softly, because maybe that was what he had an issue with and why he found it difficult to open up. She wasn't sure she'd done anything to break his trust so it would upset her if he thought he couldn't trust her in any way.

Knowing what to tell Grace when she was a bit older was a difficult one and she could see why he'd stress over that. Children were always asking questions. "Well... I guess it's important to be honest... in a roundabout way. You just... tell her that all families are different. That some children live with their daddy... some live with their mommy... it doesn't mean she's loved any less. It's a lot easier to explain things these days, I think you'll find she'll be accepting. Probably won't make anything of it" she smiled, he was more than likely stressing over nothing. "Did you... used to ask your mom lots of questions about your dad?" she asked, she hadn't wanted to bring him up, but perhaps he could draw on his own experiences.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Mar 1 2018, 11:11 AM
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Natalie


He had trust issues because of the way he'd been treated in the past. His father walking out on him and the being bullied throughout school had only taught him to trust no one in life. That was the reason he'd stayed away from having relationships or any kind of simple friendship. What was the point when he was likely to just be left out in the cold again? He found it easier to walk away before he got too attached to someone. He was in far too deep with Zoe now, to the point that if she left him he wasn't sure what he'd do. He desperately didn't want to lose her but if he carried on the way he was now then he didn't see her wanting to stay. He was slightly surprised when she asked if he trusted her. He wasn't sure he could ever trust anyone one hundred percent, but she'd not given him a reason to not trust her. "Yes, of course I do" he said, looking her in the eye because he wanted her to know that she wasn't the issue.

He was dreading Grace asking him for the first time why she didn't have a mommy. Not only was it going to hurt him but he just had no idea what to tell her. Zoe was right, he needed to be as honest as he could, in a way that she would understand. "Mhmm... I guess she can't miss what she's never had. But she might get curious" he said, that would be understandable. But he'd like to think she was happy enough at home with him that she wouldn't question things too much. "I want to be honest. I mean I think she's a bit young right now to be told that she was conceived because daddy was fucking a teenager but hey! I don't want there to be secrets between us" he shook his head, yeah he wasn't going to be telling her that just yet. In any case, he was the victim in all of this, he'd been lied to, led on to think he was sleeping with someone who was five years older than she claimed to be.

Then Zoe asked about his dad. It was weird, because now he realised how hard it must have been for his mother too, wondering what she was supposed to say to him. He sighed lightly as he thought about it, "I think so. I was barely much older than Grace is now when he left. I don't remember anything about it... or him for that matter. He's a stranger to me... a nobody. I went through phases of wanting to know more about him, but... mom doesn't like talking about him and..." he stopped there because it was just making him frustrated. His mother had gone through this and now he was in a similar situation too. "I don't fucking care about him. And I'm not talking about this!" he exclaimed, shifting slightly on the couch. He didn't mean to shout but he felt he'd done enough talking for one night, she'd gotten more out of him than he'd planned to tell her, so she should be grateful for that at least.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Mar 2 2018, 06:03 AM
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Kate


Without trust there could be no relationship. So it was important he felt he could trust her. She wasn't going to lie, it had taken her a while to feel like she could fully trust him. But then that was mainly because of what her ex-boyfriend had put her through. How was she ever supposed to trust a man again? She'd come to realise that not all guys were like Adam, but of course she was still overly cautious, she didn't see that changing any time soon. "Good..." she smiled, he seemed to be telling the truth so she had no reason not to believe him.

She was sure any child was naturally curious, but Kieran was right, she couldn't miss something she'd never had. Her whole life was with her dad, that didn't have to change. The questions could potentially start when she began school and wondered why her peers were perhaps talking about their 'mommy and daddy'. But then as she'd said, all families were different, especially nowadays. Zoe raised an eyebrow at him, clearly he was worried what Grace might think of him when she was older. "Well I don't think you quite need to say it like that" she bit her lip, "At least she was legal. It's not your fault you were lied to" she said, as if that was meant to make him feel better about the situation.

Zoe couldn't have imagined not growing up without her father. But hers had been tragically taken away from her. She wasn't sure what was worse. At least she'd been loved and had brilliant memories with her own dad. Kieran hadn't experienced the love of a father and she thought that was terribly sad. Yet he made the most amazing father himself and he should be proud of that. Zoe realised she was still rubbing his arm gently as she listened, until he suddenly snapped again and she moved her hand away. "Okay... I'm sorry" she said, it had been her fault for asking. "I shouldn't have asked" she said, now she'd gone and made things worse again. "I'm glad you told me all that stuff. If you taught me anything it was that I shouldn't suffer in silence on my own... remember?" she raised an eyebrow, he was the one that had gotten her to open up about her ex. She'd really like to think he could start taking his own advice.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Mar 2 2018, 10:19 AM
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Natalie


Well obviously he wasn't just going to come out with it like that. Nor did he really want to bad mouth Carly in front of Grace, he desperately didn't want Grace to end up hating him over it. With any luck she wouldn't ask him too many questions, but he was going to have to be prepared for whatever she wanted to ask him. "No, but she wasn't born out of love... what kind of example does that set her?" he shrugged, of course he didn't regret having Grace, he just wished she'd been born to two parents that loved each other. But that wasn't something he could change and he could only give her the best life he could.

He'd never really known what it was like to have a proper family unit. It had just been him and his mother, and now it was just himself and Grace. But he saw glimpses of what it was like when Zoe spent time with the two of them. He didn't want her to feel like she had to be a stepmother, because that was surely a lot to deal with, but like he'd already told her, she was an amazing role model for Grace. He loved watching them together.

It wasn't that he was annoyed at her for asking, he just didn't want to talk anymore. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment, trying desperately not to snap at her again. He realised he owed her a lot more, especially when she'd opened up so much to him, but when it came down to it he just seemed to struggle. He frowned slightly, "I'm not suffering..." he said bluntly, seeming quite sure of himself. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was struggling. "I'm fine" he shrugged, "I'm sorry to have dragged you into all of this" he said, she was smart, but did she really know what she was getting into?

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Mar 2 2018, 12:44 PM
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Kate


Zoe honestly didn't know what she was supposed to say to that. He was stressing over everything, yet if she told him to stop worrying about it he was more than likely just going to snap at he again. Honestly, it was better to just let him rant whilst she sat there quietly. After all, she'd wanted him to talk, right? Maybe he'd feel better once he got all this off his chest. Sometimes you just needed to off load everything to someone, with any luck he'd feel relieved to know he'd managed to actually open up to her a bit more. Besides, she wasn't sure he was actually looking for an answer to that question so she did nothing more than chew on her lip as she listened.

She hadn't exactly been implying that he was suffering, but she could see quite clearly that this as eating him up. "Okay... but don't let yourself get stressed up over it all" she said softly, though she feared it was too late to say now, it was quite obvious he was already stressed. And he was doubting himself. For all she knew he was doubting their relationship too. Did he actually want her to give up on him? Sometimes she wasn't sure what it was he wanted. "Drag me into what? You're overcomplicating everything" she shrugged and then sighed as she ran a hand backwards through her hair. And now she was getting frustrated again. "I love you and I want to be with you... I'm sorry you don't seem to accept that for some reason" she shrugged and then stood up because she didn't really plan on staying here much longer. "If you don't mind, I think it's best I don't stay here tonight. You need some space and I don't want to get in the way" she said, clutching her purse to her body again as she awaited his reaction, hoping he would just let her go because she wasn't stating just to be snapped at whenever he felt like it.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Mar 3 2018, 09:25 AM
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Natalie


Truth was, he was stressed already. He wouldn't admit that to Zoe, or to anyone for that matter. He couldn't deal with people thinking he was struggling in any way, hence why he'd been so hesitant to start opening up to her. Now all he wanted to do was go back into his shell and close himself off again. He'd done enough talking. He'd shared what he was worried about and he wasn't sure if it had really done him any good. It had probably scared Zoe off once and for all, but he supposed it was better for him to be honest and upfront.

He sighed as she told him he was over complicating things. He didn't think he was. He was just trying to be prepared for what could possibly happen, whether it be now or ten years down the line. He felt bad that Zoe would have to be involved with all of that. "I'm not over-complicating anything... I'm just being realistic" he shrugged, so perhaps he was going a bit overboard with thinking of every possible scenario. But he felt it was better to do that and be prepared than sitting here being ignorant about everything. He could see that this was becoming frustrating for Zoe but perhaps she ought to get used to it, another reason why he'd always tried to tell her that being with him wasn't going to be easy. She was a bright girl, he just wasn't so sure that she realised what she'd walked into. But maybe he was underestimating her, like himself, she'd thought long and hard about getting into a proper relationship with him. She must have taken time to weigh up the pros and cons - in fact he could probably imagine her doing that. "I do. I mean... I think you're mad... but... I love you too" he said, watching her as she stood up because he got the impression she was a bit annoyed with him now. He understood if she didn't want to stay tonight, but it suddenly hit him that if he carried on the way he was, she wasn't going to want to be with him at all. "I'm not just trying to get in your pants every opportunity I get you know" he said, he didn't expect sex every time she stayed at his house. He stood up at this point and tried to touch her cheek, "I don't want to lose you, Zo. Sometimes I just think... you could have something far easier with someone else" he said, letting his thumb run over her cheek lightly as he looked at her with a pained expression on his face. That was what it came down to. As much as he loved her and wanted to be with her, there was that constant doubt in the back of his head knowing that she could meet someone tomorrow who could promise her much more than he could. It was like he was just waiting for her to have a wake up call and realise that.

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Zoe Kennedy
 Posted: Mar 3 2018, 11:12 AM
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Kate


He seemed to think he was being realistic, to her it just felt like he was being overly paranoid. There was nothing worse than being paranoid about everything, Zoe had been there before and it had started to ruin her life. It was fine to be a little cautious, but she was learning not to let stupid things take over her life. Worrying wasn't going to get him anywhere. But she was done arguing with him, with any luck he'd start to see things a bit clearer now he'd gotten them off his chest.

Zoe took getting into a relationship extremely seriously. It was no wonder this was only her second relationship in nearly twenty-eight years of her life. Maybe she was a bit too fussy when it came to men, but why should she settle for anything less than what she deserved? Honestly, the more she got to know Kieran the more she fell in love with him. He was more than enough for her yet he obviously couldn't see it. She smiled faintly when he told her he loved her, she knew that he did even if he didn't say it very often. She could still choose to stay here tonight if she wanted, but she wasn't sure she was really in the mood now, she'd rather go before they could argue about anything else. "I didn't mean to imply that you were. It's just been frustrating lately... you've been distant with me" she said, "It's just... I've known you for quite some time now, yet I feel like there's still so much I don't know about you" she shrugged, and she wanted to know more, but that meant trying to get him to open up again. And boy was that hard work.

She nearly just turned to leave but he stood up and put his hand on her cheek, to which she parted her lips as if she were about to say something. Why were men so confusing? He only left her wondering what he really wanted. He didn't want to lose her yet at the same time all he was doing was pushing her away. "Right. By that you mean someone my age... with no kids... gets on with my brother" she rolled her eyes and then brought her hand up to push his away from her. "Someone who will probably abuse me again" she added, why would she want anyone else when Kieran had shown her a love she could only have dreamed of. "If you carry on trying to push me away, you will lose me" she said, letting him think about that one for a moment before she headed for the door, turning as she put her hand on the door handle. "I'm going to head off now. Perhaps you should have a think about what it is you want. Because I'm not convinced you actually know" she lowered her voice towards the end because she felt a bit upset. And then she turned to leave, wanting to let herself out. She had no intention of actually ending it with him, she just needed him to think again about what he wanted from her.

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Kieran Hill
 Posted: Mar 4 2018, 05:13 AM
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Natalie


She may not have meant to imply he was only after sex with her, but she'd still said it hadn't she? That didn't exactly make him feel great about himself, not when he thought he'd done so much for her to prove that he was someone that could be trusted. What more could he say? There were only so many times he could apologise for having too much on his mind. He'd told her countless times that he didn't find it easy to open up. As a result she felt she didn't know him quite as much as she wanted to. He didn't know what to say to that. "I'll... I'll try..." he mumbled, perhaps they needed to take some time to connect properly, when he thought about it there was probably a lot he still didn't know about Zoe either.

He wanted to be with her, he just wanted her to realise that things weren't always going to be easy with him. The age gap didn't bother him in the slightest but he feared it might cause an issue later down the line. Because if she became desperate for kids and marriage... well, he didn't know if he could offer that. He had a child already and he didn't see himself going through all that again. He didn't want to end up being a massive disappointment but this was exactly what had happened with his ex-girlfriend. He'd stayed with her for five years and then ended it because he realised they didn't want the same things in life. He blinked a few times when she pushed his hand away, obviously she'd had enough now. He sighed lightly, maybe he should start realising that the respect he held for her was enough. "Well there are plenty of decent guys out there" he said, he knew she thought most of them were all the same, but the majority of guys weren't abusers. She'd just gotten unlucky and had a terrible first experience.

It was probably best he stopped talking because without realising what he was doing, he really was pushing her away. She was no doubt wondering whether he wanted her or not. Shit. He didn't want to lose her! "Zoe..." he said softly, watching as she headed for the door. This was all his fault. He'd found a sweet girl he wanted to be with and all he'd done was fuck it up. "I know what I want! I want you!" he tried to plead with her, "I want us" he added, but she was already leaving. "Please don't..." he was about to say that he didn't want her to go, but it was too late. She was gone. "For fuck's sake" he muttered under his breath as he collapsed back on the couch again, wondering how he was supposed to prove to her that he was actually serious about being with her.

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