A new newspaper is (Up!
The Activity Check and Birthday Hunt are over.
Thinking Out Loud, Solo.
So… that was awkward. It would be cool to not watch her boyfriend be comforted by some other girl. Some girl that Blake knew he found attractive. She didn’t care that he found Vera attractive. Vera was a hot chick. She was young, but that didn’t make her unattractive. She was over eighteen, and she was touchy. She was dating Liam. Blake didn’t see there being any kind of problem, but that didn’t mean it had been fun. She might have actually preferred him to just be drunkenly flirting with Vera, instead of Vera comforting him while he cried about… Star Wars. Of all things. Blake wasn’t really sure how to react to that. He was apparently under stress. The only realistic thing that he could be stressed about was Blake leaving. Well, she didn’t want either of them to be stressed at her leaving.
“You like Kiefer, right?” Leeloo pushed her face into Blake’s face. Blake wiped her cheek off from where Leeloo rubbed her nose. “I’m worried about being gone… I don’t… I’m not saying he would do anything. Just…” She looked at her hands awkwardly. Leeloo wasn’t judging her. Leeloo was a completely neutral party. She preferred Blake, but she also didn’t know what Blake was saying. She could be impartial. She mewed and Blake began petting her again.
“I don’t want him being lonely and some girl comforting him while I’m gone. Kaleb can comfort him. They aren’t going to be doing anything weird. Ugh. I just… I’m worried. Things have been good. I trust him. I just… I don’t want to make him miserable, and I don’t want to worry about him while I’m gone. I’m going to miss him but I shouldn’t feel like something bad is going to be happening at home, right?” Leeloo purred. “Yeah… ugh. Its dumb. I’m dumb. This is dumb. I’m… I’ll just… not worry about it right now. We have months.”
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 323] [October 25, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [Housing, Lochland Grove, CT]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
Whatever was going on with other members of the household, Blake had some free time. Leeloo knocked her water dish over in her enthusiasm around food time, and Blake cleaned it up with some paper towels. Kiefer would be busy for approximately ever. It was like… five. Vera and Liam were probably upstairs, Kaleb wasn’t home yet, according to the cars outside, and Kiefer, of course, was at work. Blake was bored.
She’d only been living in the house for about a week. Eight days. Kiefer worked six days a week. Blake worked Wednesday morning, and she would be working Thursday and Friday some, but she didn’t work for two days. It was December. Looming closer and closer to Christmas. She was excited about that, but that didn’t solve her boredom in the moment. She looked at the floor after cleaning up the spill. It could use mopped… Hm.
The next hour was spent sorting through clothing that didn’t need to be in the closet squishing Kiefer’s things. Blake had managed to sell her dresser, and her desk. She’s given the chair away to a friend, and in the end she was left with her music equipment, and things in Kiefer’s room. She did make it a point to leave nothing outside his room unless it was in the garage. The garage things were strictly for music. She didn’t want to impose on anyone. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but Blake was always happier when she felt like no one had an issue with her. She didn’t think anyone in the house who actually held an opinion held anything close to a negative one, so that was a comfort.
Blake went to the kitchen to get some water. The floor could still used mopped. She wandered around finding cleaning products. Yeah. She could stand to clean. She had time. Leeloo was napping on the table and Blake relocated her to the sofa. “*No getting on the table. You know better.” She scolded her cat in Spanish, as if that would actually make a difference.
Kiefer texted about some girl offering to give him a blowjob for a tattoo. Blake frowned. Ew. Not that Kiefer could control random women saying random things but… ew. She found she greatly disliked the idea of any girl saying that to him. Like, really, back off. Maybe don’t be a whore, literally, but also, don’t offer that to Blake’s boyfriend. She was apparently drunk on a Monday. Less annoying. Blake replied that voluntary prostitution was weird. Since it was. He claimed it was bartering. Blake continued mopping as she replied on and off. He claimed that he couldn’t think of anything that he would not trade for sex. Blake rolled her eyes. She texted him about how she hadn’t ever slept with David. Kiefer clearly valued sex more. She was pretty sure he didn’t actually know that she hadn’t slept with David, but it didn’t really matter. He told her to stop slut shaming him.
They texted a bit more, it was nearly half past seven when Kaleb made an appearance. Blake apparently didn’t need to be doing this cleaning. It was mostly not her mess. She expressed that she wanted to clean, and she liked feeling helpful. Plus she had nothing else to do at the moment. He apparently deemed it unnecessary to try to talk her out of being productive. She finished up mopping before Kiefer happened to ask her what she was doing.
When she told Kiefer that she was letting the floor dry after mopping, he informed her that that was what they had Kaleb for. Blake giggled a bit, and didn’t say anything about it when Kaleb did pass through the area later. “He didn’t stop me” she informed her boyfriend via text. Kiefer would apparently lose his shit if Blake had vacuumed while he was gone. So… now she wanted to vacuum. Maybe also laundry. She was told not to run off with Kaleb. That was unlikely. For a healthy list of reasons. She didn’t have feelings for Kaleb. He didn’t have an interest in her. She was in love with Kiefer. There was nowhere to “run off” to in this scenario. Blake was pretty sure he had a thing for her best friend, but she was too nice to actually poke him on that. Probably some other reasons too, but that was more than enough.
Blake was forbidden from stealing Kaleb from Kiefer. She laughed. Kiefer had spent too much time “training” Kaleb. Poor Kaleb. Blake considered how Kaleb would react if he knew these conversations happened. Housewife. Training. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it, but Blake was aware he was a lot more casual around Kiefer than around her. So she couldn’t really predict what his reaction would be. It seemed likely that it would be different depending on who he was around when he heard it. Maybe he assumed this happened. She also wondered what Carla would say about it. She’d resist sharing the details of her joking with Kiefer though. Carla would probably find it attractive. She did have a fondness for men who “weren’t children” after all, and being able to take care of their house and themselves fit into that, right? So housewifery in a man was a plus, Blake assumed. Still, probably best to not mention it. Although it did amuse her greatly.
Vera came down when Blake was getting ready to vacuum. Vera, being the delightful young lady that she was, offered to help. Blake had been listening to her iPod, but she adjusted to allow for Vera’s cooperation. Of course Vera mostly just talked to Blake, it was still nice. Blake didn’t feel comfortable moving objects around, so she let Vera do that. Vera could pick up and move and organize things, and Blake would just vacuum all the open space. She went around with the detailing brush on all the edges. Moved the couch back and forth so that she could vacuum under that. General housework. She did enjoy it. She was pretty warm by the end, but she wasn’t going to bother taking a shower until everything was clean. It was just the getting up and down and moving furniture back that had made a difference. Kiefer would be busy for another hour. Blake put in the laundry. “babe stahp” was Kiefer’s response to Blake asking about cleaning. Nope, she wanted to keep going. She was bored and had the time.
He would be home after another hour or so. That worked. Blake got some comfortable clothing to change into and lay them on the bed. She cleaned the floor, toilet, and sink, in Kiefer’s bathroom. Because she could. She was a bit dizzy from smelling cleaning products, but once everything was put away she had time to take a shower, get dressed, put everything away, and put the laundry in the dryer. She should probably make herself something to eat… Kiefer might want something to eat when he was home. It was strange how relaxing it was to just wander around the house doing chores, but Blake had been living in such a small space, keeping to herself, and not having any say in the rather immaculate house of Cris and Taylor for so long, it felt nice. She didn’t think Kiefer would understand, but it didn’t diminish her enjoyment any.
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 1,233] [December 04, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [South Lochland, Lochland Grove, CT]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
October. Late October. In fact, it was the last weekend in October. They were all sitting around a café in New York City. Jamie had temporarily left the table to get drinks, and he had been distracted by some cute barista. Drew and Carla were talking about the weather. Blake was thinking about Halloween. This was the last weekend in October, and soon after she got back, she was going to be able to go to a party with Kiefer. She liked parties. She loved Kiefer. She loved Halloween. It would be fun under all potential circumstances. At least all of them that she could conjure up in her mind.
Blake’s pink painted nails were hardly visible past her long sleeves. Her hands were mostly covered, and she had been looking at her hand before her vision zoned out. She was worried about Kiefer while she was away on tour. How it would impact his mood. How lonely he would be. But he would be alright. She would have to do something special with him when she got home. That was a worry for December though. It was still October, and they had this party. She had a smile on her face imagining that when a cup of lemonade was pushed against her hand by the returning Jamie.
“Gracias,” she said when she was paying attention again.
“No problem,” Jamie replied, passing out the drinks. It was the middle of the afternoon, so there wasn’t so much of a rush, but it was still full. Jamie took a seat next to Blake, across from Drew. They discussed a few different topics. At one point they veered into Halloween plans, and Blake admitted that she was looking forward to going to a party with her boyfriend.
“Adorable,” Jamie said, probably teasing her. Blake smiled. Jamie had been grinning, but he softened and patted her on the head. “Yeah, you’re cute. I hope you have a nice time.”
Blake giggled, “Thanks. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”
“So… Halloween aside…” Carla began to steer the conversation. “We got money in advance before the tour. And the tour is going to make us a fair bit of money. It should make it easier to get gigs locally and farther away. It should be a really good jumping off point.”
“Should, should, shouldn’t it?” Jamie sassed.
“Yes, it should,” Carla didn’t give him any extra attention, “So with that, I think we need to get insurance. I know I haven’t had insurance… since I was under my parents. At the very least get something for injuries, but we need to get something covered. We’re going to be out working harder, and its more likely that we’ll get sick or injured. And I can just imagine all the opportunities for some of us to do stupid shit and get injured.”
“I don’t see how I would get injured.”
“That’s kind of the point,” Carla remarked.
“But insurance costs a lot of money…” Drew ventured.
“Right, but depending on what we get, we can afford it. Plus we should be able to make more payments in the future. Some plans do allow a lump sum for the year, at a discount. I just feel like its important with us getting more established, that we take responsibility for things and actually… be practical.”
“Practicality costs money…” Drew added.
“Yeah, well… Miranda will probably enjoy feeling like your health is secure and safe.”
Insurance did not keep you from getting sick, it merely got you cheaper access to health care. Still, there were correct ways of answering Drew’s concerns. He was nodding now and looking thoughtful. “Yeah… she would like that.” Carla had answered correctly.
“Insurance is complicated as fuck,” Jamie argued.
“Afraid of a bit of paperwork, Jamie?” Carla mocked.
He rolled his eyes.
“I’m not good with paperwork,” Blake agreed. She received an entirely different reaction from Carla.
“We can sit down and I’ll help you. Actually, I am going to get my uncle to help me, so he can help walk us both through it. Maybe we can get it all knocked out this weekend. Then you won’t have anything to worry about, and it would kick in sooner.”
“Yeah, I’d like the help.”
“Good, now everyone else is happy,” Jamie said, drinking his beverage. It had some sort of whipped cream and sauces. Blake assumed the barista talked him into something. Drew was already texting Miranda. “Does Miranda have insurance?”
Drew was pulled back into the conversation at the mention of his girlfriend’s name. “Oh… Randi is on her parents insurance still.”
“I forget how young she is…”
“Yeah. I guess. I thought they might take her off of it once. They do kind of think I suck… for letting her drop out of college and all,” he mused. He drank his sugary coffee. The sugar seemed to keep him calm, for some reason. “But not enough to cut their daughter off.”
“Must be nice,” Jamie told him. Drew looked at him. “Having a potential sugar mama?”
“So, are we all set on the insurance thing? I’m going to take care of it at home, I’ll help Blake. Drew is going to get some to make Miranda blissful and such. Jamie is going to get some so that when he breaks his arm jumping off something to impress a girl on tour… it will be possible for him to get that paid for in a timely manner?”
“I am not breaking my arm. I can’t get laid in the hospital.”
Carla looked skeptical. Blake shuddered.
“Okay, I shouldn’t get laid in the hospital.”
“Probably more accurate,” Carla agreed.
“Ew,” Drew said. “There’s all those wires and the bed sheets and… ew.”
“Nurses can be hot, Drew. Don’t be so narrow minded.”
“Ew,” Drew reminded him.
“Tsk,” Jamie scolded, “I’ll have them all to myself when I break my arm. I’ll be high on painkillers and all that shit.”
“Only if you get insurance.”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll get insurance.” And so it was mutually agreed upon.
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 1,012] [October 28, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [NYC, NY]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
Monday. She got back the day before, and tomorrow was the party. Blake was still buzzing with the fact that she was going to get to spend the day with Kiefer. Spend the night away with him. Not camping, not holed up in his room. His room was nice, and camping was nice, but this was something different. She would be in hotels sometimes on tour, and she wouldn’t get to see him then. She was going to enjoy the bed and breakfast. Besides, it was supposedly haunted, which was fucking cool. Whether or not Blake believed in all of that spiritual stuff or not was often up for debate, but she definitely found it all quite cool and interesting.
The setting was enough to intrigue Blake, but she had to actually figure out her costume. She’d decided that going as Raven was really what would be happening. She could have done something else, but it was the last minute, and she hadn’t decided on anything that she liked any more. She wouldn’t see Kiefer until the next day. He was picking her up from her house. Oh how different things were at this point. Not only did he know where she lived, but he’d been there, and was going to let him pick her up from there for the party. It was like she was acting normally or something, which… for Blake, was a bit abnormal.
She was truly grateful that in the span of the month things had calmed down so much. Her mind had given her far too much time to wander. At the beginning of the month she was excited to be celebrating a full month of being with Kiefer. Carla was telling her that she needed to tell him about the past, and Blake was dragging her heels. They were finishing up an EP, and sending it off for approval. She was crying at Kiefer’s house feeling like she’d brought the whole happy picture down around her. She hadn’t drank since that night. Things had been so uncomfortable, and it felt like fighting a losing battle. Except she didn’t have the energy to fight, she was just holding her hands up trying to shield herself from the blows. She had felt just as melodramatic about it as that sounded, but she really did feel hopeless. However the month started with the promise of a Halloween party, and it was going to end with that Halloween party. The middle was variable, but at the start, and at the end she was happy. She was even happier at the end, in fact. What more could she ask for?
So Blake had gathered her materials. Body suit, cape, shoes, accessories. Now she just needed to get her hair in order and she would be set. Blake tried to be pretty cheap about everything, but if she was going to dress like Raven, she could at least put in a bit more effort. She wasn’t going to cover herself in baby powder, so there was no way her skin tone was getting close to pale gothic Raven, but her hair could match. Sort of. She didn’t want to lop it all off, but she could get it cut a few inches shorter and straighten it at home. Also, colored. Yeah. That sounded like a fun thing to do.
Blake went to Live Free Dye Young, the cute little salon she’d discovered a while back. It was relatively new, and the owner apparently used to do the makeup at Stilettoes. She was super sweet. Blake really just liked listening to her talk, but Blake didn’t go in very often. Haircuts could be expensive, after all, and Blake didn’t treat herself to much of anything regularly. Today though, she was getting ready for Halloween, and that was basically the best holiday.
“Good afternoon,” she greeted cheerfully upon entering. She actually booked an appointment because she didn’t want to somehow mess this up. She wasn’t sure if she had any friends in town that could cut or dye hair, and she was probably going to mess it up if she tried to do it herself. Carla knew all about hair. Because she was basically superwoman. Hair, kids, crafts, music, business, education, being hot. Her biggest flaw was probably that she didn’t get nearly excited enough about Halloween. Also she didn’t live in town. And some other stuff, but it wasn’t important.
Blake was greeted and offered a chair. She didn’t actually want her hair to be any shorter but if she wasn’t going to end up in a wig, it had to actually be her hair. Just short enough to be passable, but not so short her ears were peeking out. She’d not heard what Kiefer thought about short hair, but Blake liked her hair well enough to keep it. She had had it short in the past, and she might let it be short again in the future, but this was a temporary deal. She explained that she wanted a certain amount cut off, and for it to be temporarily dyed purple. She only managed to be more excited by the end of the appointment. It was very hard to bring down her positive attitude right now, especially when a friendly lady was massaging her head and asking about her “fun plans” with her boyfriend. This week was going to be great because it already was great.
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 906] [October 30, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [Lochland Grove, CT]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
To her left, there was Kiefer. He was asleep, he had to wake up in the morning. Not so early it made Blake’s head hurt, but still in the morning. It was after midnight. Valentine’s Day. He might get off early, she didn’t really know. With the bombshell that they were having a kid… that she was currently pregnant… she wasn’t asking him to take time off work. She wasn’t schedule for a couple more days. Friday. She would work on Friday. Wednesday was the holiday, and Blake did want to go to band practice on Thursday night. That would be some normalcy. She wanted to ask more about how things had been with the band while she was gone. Was everyone still getting along? She’d texted Kiefer a lot but… there was still so much that she missed just being here. She also wanted to work on her own music but… it was pretty unlikely that she would be doing that successfully for… god… she couldn’t even guess.
Blake rolled out of bed and found herself sitting at the desk. Staring at the wall in the dark. If she could just… calm her stomach. It would be really great if she could manage that. She held onto this naïve hope for a few minutes before ending up in the bathroom throwing up what amounted to crackers and water in the long run. She’d made food because Kiefer was gone to Seraphim’s apartment. She’d eaten the food. Then, later on, she ate a bunch of crackers and downed a lot of water. She knew that keeping anything down was for the best. She struggled the most after she took her prenatals, which she did during the middle of the day. That was when she felt best. Night time started the decline.
It was nearly three in the morning when Blake left the bathroom. Kiefer was still sound asleep. He was a heavy sleeper. She knew that much. She didn’t mind. She didn’t want him to worry. She didn’t want him to be disturbed. She pulled out a drawer and grabbed a couple of pieces of clothing before slipping into them and walking out of the room. A zip up hoodie because it was fucking February and also she slept in a short sleeved t-shirt of his. It comforted her, and he’d yet to complain about her stealing articles of his clothing. She was not going to bother trying to take his pants, and while his gym shorts would fit, she usually didn’t wear shorts. She usually had her legs covered in leggings or tights, and winter was just one extra reason to do so. She wasn’t going to bother wearing his shorts at a time when she most certainly would end up putting more effort into dressing than she needed to. Speaking of leggings, Blake put those on, and socks. Her hair was down, she wasn’t wearing makeup, and she lacked any accessories besides her phone. She returned for a notebook and a pen at some point, but she would have much more easily lost strip poker on this day than others. Not that anyone would want her to try that, least of all her. Maybe Kiefer, but… least of all Blake.
She’d planned to make cookies at some point, so she had the ingredients available. It was more to keep herself busy than it was an intentional action for the holiday. She figured Kiefer would like the cookies, he had yet to really enlighten Blake to any food item that he didn’t not like. Besides vegan food and… pea milk. Blake pulled some eggs out of the fridge and gave a disapproving look at the milk. Its fine. You need calcium.
Blake went about making a soup. Kiefer would probably have leftovers from cooking with Sera, but Blake needed to do something. She quietly worked on the soup for less than an hour before whipping up the cookies. Once the cookies were in the oven Blake meant to start on that note but she was quickly derailed by the need to go back to Kiefer’s room to throw up. Apparently trying to eat soup was expecting too much from her stomach. He still didn’t stir. Blake returned to the kitchen and sat down to write. She had time before the cookies were done. The soup was put in the fridge for later.
She opened the notebook and began writing, Kiefer’s name was written out in large letters to take up the whole page. Just his first name. No need to get formal. She couldn’t draw cool pictures like he could, or even really make up some nice script, but she made an effort with big letters and shading and love. The love probably didn’t look any different, but it counted.
Blake considered what Kiefer had said about her giving compliments. She started with that, on the second page. Well, the back of the first page. She might not be good at compliments, but she was good at songs. Songs were a lot more premeditated than what you tasted like kissing. Besides, who liked the taste of lipgloss? Did people actually buy that “taste of cherry chapstick” line? Then again, as long as Kiefer’s taste remained Blake or her adornments, he was not going to hear a legitimate complaint from her. She loved his taste. Loved that his taste was her, and… also probably tasting him, but that thought seemed a bit less on the innocent side of things. Not that the note needed to be innocent. God and whoever read text messages could certainly attest to how not innocent some of Blake’s messages to Kiefer had been during her month’s absence.
She continued her efforts, sitting there, sipping occasionally at some water, and pretending her stomach wasn’t still churning. Her efforts at pretending were eventually overpowered by a headache and she lay her head down until the timer on her phone went off. One beep, she hit “off” quickly and went to get out the cookies. Leeloo must be occupied elsewhere, because she didn’t even come to investigate the smell or try to get anything. Blake washed the dishes and decided against trying any of the cookies because although they looked really good, she didn’t feel like returning to the bathroom yet again. They were a certain type of vanilla sugar cookie with different colorful icing. It was a nice distraction, painting icing on all the cookies, before returning to the table and staring at her words.
The next interruption came after Kaleb got up. Of course he would be the one to wake up earliest. She was vaguely aware that he did not actually start work right away, but it didn’t actually matter. He noticed her in the kitchen when he came in, and remarked that she was up early.
“Yeah… I couldn’t sleep I guess.” She could try, but chances were good that she would end up feeling sick again. She would try again, once the note was done. Once she felt like laying down would not be unwise. She would sleep eventually, even if she had to wait until noon to do it. It was certainly not that she had chosen to start her day at two in the morning, after however late she and Kiefer had been up to begin with. However it looked to Kaleb though, she wasn’t going to correct. She was up for now.
“Do you have any plans today?” Probably not. Still, she asked.
How eventful. She looked at him thoughtfully. I hear New York is lovely this time of year. She didn’t. Valentine’s Day didn’t make it any less February and frigid. The weather might be worse there, but that was certainly not what her mind was on. He probably picked up on her staring at him, whether or not he thought it was just because she was tired. She wouldn’t bother with her thoughts, instead saying “You can have some cookies if you want them.”
They didn’t really have a conversation. She liked him. They were… more friends now than before, but keeping a secret also made Blake a bit on edge. Plus being tired, and feeling sick, and the fact that she didn’t really think he wanted to chatter before the sun was even up. At least not with her. He eventually left the house and Blake yawned, continuing to write until nearly six.
The cookies were packaged up in two containers. One left in the kitchen, one carried into Kiefer’s room. The kitchen was left as tidy as it had been before she wandered out hours earlier. Blake yawned again, placing the cookies and a note on Kiefer’s desk. Hopefully he would see them before he left for work. She probably wouldn’t wake up when he got up to leave. The Tupperware of cookies was placed on top of the note, although his name was pretty well visible sticking out past the edge of the plastic. She made a pile on the floor of her leggings, hoodie, and socks. She would tend to those later, or put them on when she woke up. Whichever. The bed was only warm because Kiefer hadn’t left it the whole time, and so she snuggled up to him, shivering a bit until she acclimated and managed to fall back asleep.
You said I was bad at giving compliments, that night, kissing on Bonnie at the lake. I probably am, but I love you, so I want to try. And besides, I am not going to stop loving you, so I have lots of time to practice.
I like how you taste, because it means I’m wrapped up in you one way or the other.
I like how you smell, because it means I’m close to you, and it feels familiar.
I like how you look, because you’re really a handsome guy and I am always attracted to you.
I like how you sound, because it’s a comfortable voice, and I get to hear the things you’re thinking.
I like how you talk, because you make me laugh, and even when I roll my eyes, I’m happy you’re the way you are.
I like how you feel.
I like when you hold my hand, I like watching your hands when you are drumming and not paying any attention to anything beyond the music. How much I want to melt when your fingers knead my scalp, or run your fingers down my skin. The pressure of you on top of me, or your hands on my hips, or my knees on either side of your hips. The way you feel inside me, and the noises you make when you’re there, and most of all feeling like that’s the only thing that matters right then. Having your complete attention and not caring about anything else until later. I think a lot, too much, but I love when you have me and all of my attention. I like when you pick me up, and carry me anywhere. I like when you’re completely insatiable and in a rush because its fun to feel that you want me that much, and its more fun when things go slower and I participate instead of getting swept up in you.
I love any time I get to show you how attracted to you I am. Do you realize how gorgeous you are? Do you realize that the times you get me into bed before I even know what is happening, its not because I wanted to do anything else? Because you’re the only thing I wanted to do right then, I’m just slower. I’m busy being infatuated and in love with you and wanting every second that I get swept up in how fast you jump into things. But I love how much you want things. Its you. Its fast and reckless and fun, and I’m not good at pacing myself either.
I think when your breath hitches might be the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. God you don’t even realize. You literally cannot even understand.
Also I never knew I liked boys with lip rings, but then I found out… yes, I definitely do.
I’m torn between being recklessly and distractingly infatuated with your body, your personality, and every little thing I see in you… and being so overwhelmingly in love with the man you are.
Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing so much that it almost feels like I don’t know who I am. And then there is you, and you’re crazy, but you’re you… I’m still figuring you out, but I adore you. I need you and I want you, and I hope that I can be as good for you as you are for me.
The worst thing about being away from home is that you aren’t there when the day winds down. I probably don’t think of Lochland Grove as “home” but I do think of you that way. Being away from home only ever started to feel like anything when you were here. With you here and me there it feels like distance, and there’s something empty and missing in all the pieces.
I’m glad I’m home. I’m glad you’re here. Things aren’t planned out very well, but it will be alright. I love you. I’m sorry I’m not great at compliments, but I feel everything for you, and if you ever realize how I feel that will probably be good enough. I’ll keep trying though. Because I do love you so much I don’t even realize it myself sometimes.
Happy Valentines Day, Chico. Also there’s cookies for you. <3
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 2281] [February 14, 2018] [Not connected to any thread] [Lochland Grove, CT]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
The chances of Blake accidentally calling her sister were… nil. The number wasn’t even in her phone anymore. Maybe it had changed, or maybe Blake got a new phone, or maybe… well, it seemed unlikely that she would have just deleted her sister’s number from the phone outright. She hadn’t spoken to her in a long time. She hadn’t heard her voice. This was going to be weird, no doubt. Blake knew that Rosie might be busy. She knew that she didn’t know what Rosie’s schedule was like. It was November, on a week day, so she had classes. In fact, tonight was the first time Kiefer had band practice again. Kameron had come back the day before and Blake found out in a text message. She had a lot to think about, but the good thing was that she hadn’t managed to kill their band. She’d killed one band in her life, she didn’t need another one hanging on her conscience.
So ESL was working on things, and Blake was going to make them dinner. That just meant that she didn’t have all day to make this call. It was two hours earlier in Nevada. Rosie went to college in Nevada. So she was there. On a Thursday. Blake was going to chill out. She’d had lunch with Kiefer and she had nothing to worry about. She hadn’t told him that she was going to talk to her sister, but she had mentioned her sister on other days. She had to start somewhere.
Blake had cleaned her room and left Leeloo lounging in bed. Now she just needed to make the call. She wasn’t sure where she wanted to be, or what she wanted to be doing. She just needed her head on straight and if she could pull that off then things would go fine. She’d been stalling making this call for twenty minutes already. She found a nice place out in the back yard and sat down before dialing the number. She’d gotten it from Rosie’s facebook page. Girl could stand to be a bit more secretive with her personal information, right?
It rang until Blake thought that it would go to voicemail, but then the ringing abruptly stopped. “Hello?”
Mierda. She sounded confused. Uh. Talk. Talk. Use words. Speak. “Hey.” Okay this wasn’t helpful. Uh, “Its Blakely.” Why had she used her full name? Like Blake would have been confusing. God she was feeling so awkward. Would Rosie be annoyed at her for not having spoken to her in so long? Or feel abandoned? Just like… everyone else. Rosie wasn’t the sort but…
“Blake! Oh my god, what’s up? What are you doing?” Her tone was enthusiastic, then concerned, “Is something wrong? Are you alright? I haven’t talked to you in forever.”
Blake felt herself wincing. Yeah. Forever. Well… she didn’t exactly… anticipate the call to happen this way, and she hadn’t had a “good” reason to try before. Not that she should have needed an excuse to call her little sister but… god, she was thinking too much.
Oh, oh no, she actually hadn’t been speaking this whole time. “Sorry, no, things are fine. Actually, yeah. I just… wanted to connect with you. I’m sorry we haven’t spoken in so long.” The guilt was gnawing right now. Blake did not sound chipper. “I’m…” The honest truth was that she had been hiding from the past, but last month said that she really ought to just face things. If she did, then in the end she would be closer to Kiefer and she wouldn’t have to worry about what would happen when they inevitably came up. Besides, Rosa wasn’t some deep dark secret. “just wanting to talk. See what you are doing with yourself now. Are you free right now?”
“Oh yeah, I have some time. I’m really happy to hear from you. I didn’t even have your number.”
“Yeah, it probably changed, actually. Its been a while.” Not that she needed to say that, but it did explain the situation. So, back to happier things, “Anyway, how are your classes?”
“Oh, really good. I’m taking this psychology class. I think I have a good handle on it. I mean, its all sort of stuff you already hear if you’re around the department. And I’m learning a lot of grammar. Sign grammar, not… English grammar.” Rosie laughed, “I’m not the best at that.”
Blake smiled slightly, “Yeah, me either.”
Rosie’s giggling continued, “Maybe it’s a family trait.”
“Carla would call it ‘the Gutierrez sisters.’”
“Are you still with Carla?”
With Carla? “I guess. I mean, I’m not living with her family anymore… I actually moved to Connecticut.”
“Too expensive. I mean, I’m only a couple of hours from New York. More like… an hour and a half I guess. I try to drive up every other weekend for practice and sometimes gigs. I just found this little tourist town in the middle of nowhere and I really like it. Its remote.” Like when she lived with Ben.
“Like when you lived with Ben?”
Of course Rosie had to ask. Blake bit her lip, “Yeah, I guess.” That wasn’t why she liked it, but yes, it had similar charms in that they were both smaller towns somewhat out of the way. It wasn’t something she would have brought up on her own, but it was not untrue. It definitely wasn’t why she liked Lochland Grove. Not to be reminded of Ben. One of the last things she’d wanted was to be reminded of Ben. God, she couldn’t… even carry that around every day.
“So who do you live with?”
“I’m in a house with some people. It’s a couple. Taylor and Cristina. They’ve been together for years. I moved here in November… two years ago. I only lived in New York for a year. And recently I met a guy, so we’re dating.” Like he was the first guy she’d met since she moved to the east coast, or even Lochland. Taylor was a guy. Did she need to specify that? It was unisex, right? Whatever. She doubted Rosie was concerned, she probably assumed that Taylor was a guy, unless she was way more into Taylor Swift than Blake remembered.
“OH!” Rosie perked up quickly, “You have a boyfriend? What’s his name?”
Blake smiled a little again, “Uh, Kiefer. Carter. I think… do you have a Facebook now?” Blake was pretty sure Rosie hadn’t had one before because of the foster care system and it being discouraged, but she was in college now.
“Oh yeah. I can add you.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I can show you pictures of Kiefer. And pictures of the band. Pink Slip. I’ll send you a CD if you like. We like… just finished another EP, so you can listen to the new music. Carla is working on Youtube stuff and getting our music online. Payment is nice, more fans is nicer… at least at this point, that’s how she thinks of it. I can’t argue. She’s the one with a music management degree and all that. And I just follow her lead. She calls me the muse, and I call her the boss… because I’m the inspiration and all that but… she’s the engine, y’know?” Chances were good that Rosie did not know. Carla had not been this stubborn and driven in high school. Not this serious. Things had changed.
“That’s cool. Are you guys gunna get signed to a label or something?”
“No, not right now. I think that’s one of Carla’s goals. I want that.” She laughed, “Our guitarist, Drew… I think his girlfriend told him he had to marry her if we got signed.”
Rosie laughed, “I’m not sure it works like that. How long have you been dating Kiefer?”
Right. “Um… not very long. September 1st. We went on some dates and hung out a bunch before then. Texted a lot. We met early August after a show. He’s… sweet.” She chuckled. Not the word a lot of people would have used. He was sweet to Blake, and that was all that would matter to Rosie. “He kind of got put on the spot. I wasn’t sure exactly where the relationship was. I guess he got out of a relationship recently… ish. He was a bit sensitive about things and so he wasn’t ready to dive into anything, but he also really didn’t want to just fuck around…” Well, he might have, if she’d actually been willing to… fuck around… more. She wasn’t sure. “So he came to a show on my birthday, in New York, to surprise me. It was sweet.” She felt like she could hear Rosie smiling on the other end of the line. “I was so excited to see him… anyway, so he got to meet Carla that night and she knew I liked him but I wasn’t really sure where things were so… she asked him if he was my boyfriend.”
Rosie laughed again, “And was he?”
Blake chuckled, “Of course not. We hadn’t even talked about it. He did say that we hadn’t talked about it, but if I wanted to then… he could be. Poor thing. I was so pissed at Carla for doing that to him but… she’s a wrecking ball. She will knock down a wall if she thinks I can’t find a door and need to get to the other side. Crazy bitchy to people sometimes but… I love her. It worked out. It was really sweet… of both of them, hers was just… also crazy. I think they’ll be alright together eventually. Carla is willing to try and Kiefer loves me too so…”
“Awwwww.” Rosie cooed. Love was the best. “What’s he look like I wanna see!”
“He’s blond. And tall. Fucking tall. Like… six foot two.”
“Shit that’s tall.”
Blake laughed, “Exactly.”
“How do you kiss?”
“I’m not a midget, Rosie. Gosh. He bends down, mostly. Or we’re sitting. He’s a nice chair. He can pick me up so that’s nice. And I like tall shoes. Anyway, it works out, but yeah, big height difference there. Brown eyes. Several tattoos. I don’t have pictures of those, but I do have a picture of us…”
“I wanna see!”
Blake poked around on her phone for less than a minute before she could oblige the suddenly extremely excited Rosie. Rosie received a picture of Kiefer kissing Blake’s forehead. It was definitely sweet enough to Rosie, who gushed for a few minutes about how cute they were, and how he was super cute. He wasn’t Rosa’s type, but he was cute. She could see some of the height difference. Blake tried to ask about Rosie’s type, but somehow the conversation derailed back to Kiefer again quickly.
“What does he do? How old is he? Does he have siblings?”
All good, and understandable questions… “Right, he has a sister, she’s eighteen I think. Cecelia. She’s got a strong personality.” Aka Blake didn’t like her, but she supposed she wasn’t the worst. Next. “He’s twenty-five.” Why did she sound so happy right now? Like it was cute that he was a year younger than her? Rosie could tell. Blake didn’t even think it was cute, it was just… something about him, and she loved him. “He actually owns a business. Its called Body Image. He used to be a piercer there, and then a tattoo artist. Oh, I can link you so you can look at his art, once we’re Facebook friends. Its good. He wanted to design a tattoo for me. Hasn’t done it yet. I’m trying to write a song for him for Christmas. He’s… yeah. He’s good. So yeah, he owns Body Image, it’s a body mod place, tattoos and piercings. The only one in town. Lochland Grove isn’t exactly big.”
“Business man… wow.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I mean, technically, but… he’s nothing like that. Although I think its kind of hot that he runs his own business… and is responsible and successful.” Well, okay, responsible in that regard… and that regard alone. Successful in multiple things. It wasn’t at all a stretch to say that Blake found it hot though. She really did. It was truly luck that she hadn’t ever tried to sleep with him at Body Image just because of how she felt. Also because she didn’t actually go there. Luck and lack of her being there. She didn’t want to undermine him but also… it wasn’t just his fault how often they had sex… when they did. Things had been… rocky. But… the weekend together had been probably more indicative of her honest feelings.
“I like that. Responsible guys… yeah, that’s hot. So… what do you like least about him?”
“Mierda… um… he… shuts down sometimes. When he’s scared about something, shuts down, shuts me out. I like that the least.”
“Mm, what do you like the most?”
“He loves me. And that’s…” she sighed, “I don’t know what to do all the time, but knowing he loves me means I know what I’m working for. And he’s human, he makes mistakes, but… I really love him, and being in love is something I missed. You’d like him.”
Rosie’s smile was audible, “Good. I already like him. I… think I have to go though. Can we text? I’ll add you on Facebook. I have to go do something. But we can talk more. I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too, Rosie. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The call ended with Blake feeling much more positive than she’d felt at the beginning. She had a pretty great little sister. She smiled. She was going to see about getting Rosie to come for a visit, but for now things were just nice.
[Adding to NaNoWriMo 2017, words 2303] [November 02, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [Lochland Grove, CT]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
Blake was in town for only a couple more hours. She had spent the night before at Carla’s place, but being in New York had several practical purposes. First, they’d celebrating Christmas with the band, second, a band practice, third, Blake needed to pick something up, and fourth, a small band meeting on Sunday. They meeting was really just because Blake wouldn’t be back in New York to see the band until New Years Eve. What she needed to pick up was Kiefer’s Christmas presents. She had sent them to Carla’s address instead of Kiefer’s address. That was just asking for questions, and Blake had lived there for less than a month anyway.
She doubted she would actually see her friend while she was in New York for the concert in a few days. Even if she did go to the trouble of seeing her friend just to pick things up, she was going to be with Kiefer. It was easier to just take care of this while she was in town for other purposes. She would probably leave the gifts in her trunk so that she didn’t have to risk Kiefer finding them in his house. She could ask Kaleb to keep them in his room if she was worried about the temperature dropping too much but… they would probably be fine. And the meeting would take care of even more things so that she could just relax with her boyfriend in the coming days. They had a concert this week and Blake was excited. The Pink Spiders. God, she was so excited. It was already on her mind enough so that after the meeting at Jamie’s apartment, she was quickly thinking about Kiefer again.
Drew left after the meeting, and Blake and Carla were still there hanging out. Blake was looking up pictures on her laptop while a video downloaded. Carla’s music played. Not that it was Carla’s music, but Blake said that she could have done very pretty covers of it. She was more of a rock chick than Blake, but she had a pretty voice, and she was very nice with a guitar. These were not the things mostly crossing Blake’s mind though. For now, she was looking at pictures of babies.
Half Hispanic, half white babies. So many cute little babies. Certainly anyone could upload a picture and slap a label on it. They could have been half black. They could have been Hispanic but just lighter. They could be a lot of things. There were endless options, but Blake still found them adorable.
“Getting weird nesting urges?” Carla asked from next to her on the couch. Jamie was sorting some laundry in his room so that he could take it and put it in the washing machine.
“Mm,” Blake thought a lot about having babies with Kiefer, but she didn’t want to tell Carla that it might be happening like… soon. At all. Carla would probably be horrified at the prospect of it anytime soon. Like, maybe in five years? She would be pretty distressed about three years. Yeah, five sounded like they could have a conversation without Blake feeling like Carla was her very disapproving mother. She felt responsible for the band, and she knew that Carla relied on her for things, but… also Blake knew Kiefer wanted a baby. Like a lot. Regardless, she was looking at cute babies. “These could be mine and Kiefer’s babies someday. Look at how cute they are.”
“I’m pretty sure those babies exist already, and are toddlers at least, hermana.”
Blake puffed up her cheeks in a pout. “They’re adorable little babies, and mine with be just as cute as them someday.” She tacked on someday to make sure Carla would get suspicious. Another pretty guitar song came up from Carla’s music, and Carla was distracted by her phone. Blake assumed she was texting Kaleb. She was smiling at Carla more when her friend looked up.
“…” Carla made a face, “I dunno, he seems fine…”
“That’s good. Look at this little giiiiirl. I want a baby girl with curly hair,” Blake said, shifting back to herself, pouting again. Carla seemed more willing to humor Blake than talk about her texting. She put her phone in her pocket for the time being.
They passed a few more minutes looking at pictures as Jamie carried a bag of laundry into the other room. Blake found a picture of a very cute little girl, but she realized the girl had blue eyes. Blake had brown eyes. Kiefer had brown eyes. How could she work this into her narrative? “Hm… oh! She has blue eyes like Kaleb. You could have this one.”
And her playing along was visibly wiped away. Carla arched an eyebrow, “I am not having Kaleb’s babies.” She cringed. Blake supposed she must think it sounded even worse out loud.
“Oh yeah?” Like she had to ask. Carla was so not about babies. And, well… she wasn’t sleeping with Kaleb so that sort of made the baby thing impossible. “He’s cute though.”
“Yes, he’s attractive. That doesn’t mean I’m having his babies.”
Jamie was walking back in the room and Blake supposed she could have set up the conversation in a way that didn’t involve him having to hear that.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Carla said, rolling her eyes at Jamie. “Its nothing.”
“Carla getting knocked up?”
“You’re still an ass, and no.”
“I was just looking at baby pictures.”
“For Carla?” Jamie laughed.
“Well… no… actually.” She didn’t want the conversation to steer Jamie into asking about her potential fertility though, so she added, “I just saw one that would work for her.”
“And I’m not having babies.”
“Is this the hoodie dude?” Jamie was pleased with himself as soon as Carla looked unamused. They were like such horrible squabbling siblings. “You inviting him to the New Years Party? Kiefer’s coming, right?”
“Um, yes…” Blake glanced from Jamie to Carla and back. Kiefer was coming. Carla could certainly bring a date if she wanted, but she hadn’t expressed any desire to do so. She often didn’t bring anyone and if she wanted to do something she would just hit on someone who was there. Circumstances might be different this time around.
“I’m not bringing anyone,” Carla informed Jamie. Whether or not she did was really irrelevant. It was enough to disappoint him, and that was her goal.
“Aw… shame, shame.” It was probably safest not to bring a boy around him while he was in a trolling mood. Blake would have insisted that he was not really this bad. He was fine… usually. It was a special circumstance.
They eventually packed up for Carla to drive back to her uncle’s house and Blake to then head home. Carla was already heading down the stairs and Blake stopped to give Jamie a look. “What?”
“You’re going to make her think she can’t ever bring anyone around you.”
“Aw, c’mon. She’s brought dates around me before. I haven’t been stabbed by her yet.”
Blake bit her lip. Except Kaleb didn’t like drama, and if Carla liked him enough to ask him to come from Connecticut… Jamie was frowning at Blake’s silence. “Just behave yourself. You seem extra bored lately.”
“Its fine. I’ll bring a date and leave her alone. Will everyone be happy with that?” he sighed, looking like he was giving up a favorite toy.
“Yes, that would be great. And try to get along with Kiefer. I’m going to be gone with you guys for a month and I’d like him to have a positive impression of everyone before I go… okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll play well with others.”
“Yes Mom, I’m sure.” He sounded impatient, but then he laughed. Blake smiled a bit, it was as good as she was going to get.
[December 17, 2017] [Not connected to any thread] [New York City, NY]
Tracker - Heterosexual – Cashier at Bob’s - 265 Litchfield Dr.
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