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 Cut to the Chase, Kyler Landon
Kyler Landon
 Posted: Jun 12 2018, 11:35 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


What had he gotten himself into with this? There were very few things that he couldn't talk himself out of when he needed but this was different. Why? He actually cared about Lenny and he didn't want to hurt his boyfriend's feelings but this was just… what? It was horribly awkward and it made him uncomfortable because this wasn't something that he knew about and it wasn't like he even knew enough to fake his way through the conversation.

It was complicated, see? Seriously, this was his first real talk on the subject ever because he wasn't telling Tony anything about it and he didn't have anyone else to talk to. Well, he had Lenny now but… that didn't make him want to talk about it it just meant that he had more of an obligation to do it. Like it was some kind of work or chore. It was a fitting relation to the blonde and he was literally dreading the conversation going any further. He wasn't going to bother trying to explain why he hadn't had the loads of sex that Lenny had even if he was capable of it.

He didn't want any part this and he was putting effort into trying to distract Lenny from continuing by suggesting that maybe they could try again. "Maybe we could do that later?" He was cursing internally over the reaction more for the fact that it hadn't worked than being turned down. Although… he could start a fight to spin it if he wanted. Maybe.

When Lenny was done talking he felt his brows furrowed. "Are you not happy with me?" He sat up on the bed, his legs tucked under him but his arms hadn't folded over his chest yet. "I'm not just a body, you know." His scowl was deepening but he wasn't in full blown brat mode just yet.

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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Jun 13 2018, 11:53 AM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


Talking about sex or intimacy with other people had never been a big deal, but with Kyler... it was difficult, tiring, wearing away at Lenny's energy and confidence as every step he tried to make, every time he tried to communicate how he felt, he just ended up making things worse somehow. Yet, he'd tried. Through the difficulty and awkwardness, he'd hoped that saying how he felt might mean something. He'd hoped that perhaps this would be a turning point, expected that after Kyler's assurances that he did care, that things would change, even if just a little.


He'd assumed that a little too soon.


His attempt at an encouraging smile swiftly faded when it was met with a frown in response. He glanced down, beginning to feel unsure, the sensation of feeling lost from earlier intensifying. His mouth tightened into a firm line at Ky's first question - 'Are you not happy with me?' - knowing that while in some ways he was happy with his boyfriend, in others he wasn't and he was willing to bet that wasn't the answer Kyler was looking for. The next movement on his boyfriend's part, the pulling away with Kyler's body no longer warmly and comfortingly against his, left Lenny feeling very alone on the bed he'd come to view as theirs.


And then came the sentence that had Lenny wondering if Kyler had even listened to any of what he'd just said at all.


"I'm not just a body, you know."


Lenny didn't say anything, not at first. His smile had disappeared, tightened into a sad, grim little line, his gaze focussed downward as he struggled to process all the thoughts going through his head. Because.. Hadn't Kyler heard any of what Lenny had just said, the feelings he'd poured out, the connection he'd been seeking to make? About sharing, getting to know each other better, opening up to each other about even deep, intimate things, rather than sex just being something they did, or even endured, it was starting to seem like, in Kyler's case, or only did what he knew he liked.


He kept hearing Kyler's words from earlier. "We can talk about how much I love you." But rather than bring a smile to his face all it did was confuse him, the struggle of equating those words with Kyler's reaction, to the strong, straightness of his spine with him sat up in bed, the scowl deepening on his face, the tone of his voice, only bringing on sadness when the two wouldn't add up.


Lenny sniffed. He didn't want to get upset, not more upset than he had been, but his spiralling thoughts were sending him in that direction. When he'd thought the conversation had turned a corner, that they were moving forward, that his wants and needs were listened to, it was as if they were back at square one. It meant that Kyler couldn't care, not if he hadn't listened, not if he wasn't taking Lenny seriously, not when he just couldn't seem to understand. Suddenly, a conversation that from which Lenny had hoped their relationship would be strengthened seemed to be heading in the total opposite direction.


He sniffed again, but his attempts at holding back his emotions weren't very successful. He wiped at his face, pushed a hand through his hair, but none of that made his feelings go away. None of them made him feel any less marginalised. He stared down at the comforter with watery eyes and sniffed again.


"I wanna be happy," he said, finally breaking his quietness and starting to cry again at this point. He hated the sensation of feeling like he'd done wrong, like Kyler was punishing him when all Lenny wanted was for the relationship to work, to be happy, and he couldn't understand why that was becoming so difficult, "but when I say how I feel you just get mad at me!" He sniffed, made juddery gasps for air with his chest expanding sharply between quiet but uncontrollable sobs, burying his face in the covers again but not turning away from Ky, "I know you're not just a body, that's why I care, that's why I wanna know about this... that's why I want you to care what I like... but... but you just get mad at me and I dunno what to do!" He curled up, putting his arms around his face, retreating from the openness he'd sought with Kyler before. "Maybe this can't work... maybe I'm just no good at relationship stuff..." He said, the words as erratic as his breathing, muffled but not dulled to being inaudible by the blankets and his arms, especially not the mixture of desperation and resignation in his voice – both hinting that it wasn't the first time such thinking had crossed Lenny's mind.
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Jun 13 2018, 05:25 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Kyler knew what he wanted. He always knew what he wanted and he typically didn't care if anyone opposed him because he was too stubborn to quit on anything. Lenny wasn't just anyone though and had gained the blonde's affection. It wasn't just that. Ky really did care about his boyfriend but he was too much of a brat to surrender his own stance on things and this was one of those things that were worthy of defense in his mind.

Maybe it was stupid to be so tight-lipped over something as trivial as sex when they had already done it but he just didn’t see the point. If they were already doing things in bed then why did they have to talk about it? Why couldn't they just let stuff happen and then not talk about it? Talking about this sort of thing wasn't something he saw much value in. Couldn't Lenny tell what he liked?

Listening wasn't his problem. He had heard what his boyfriend had said but it hadn't done much to change his perspective on the topic. Sex with Lenny was good! It was easy and he liked it but verbalizing it was just… unnecessary and weird. As much as Lenny wanted the conversation, Ky wanted to avoid it and they were in a stalemate on the point. Having told Lenny he was more than just body had something of the desired effect but as the other started to reply he realized that the meaning had been missed.

"I know you're not just a body, that's why I care, that's why I wanna know about this... that's why I want you to care what I like... but... but you just get mad at me and I dunno what to do!" His eyes rolled in annoyance. The blonde was certainly in a mood from all this and Lenny was pouting, or so he felt. "Well I don't like talking about it and you should care about that!" He huffed, arms finally crossing over his chest in a defiant pout to mirror the other's.

"Maybe this can't work... maybe I'm just no good at relationship stuff…" What? Was he being serious right now? The blonde issued another groan. "It's not the 'relationship stuff', you're fine with that. If I knew you would want to talk about all this sex crap then I wouldn't have slept with you.. Ugh.. I just… I can't do this right now.[/i]" He was climbing off the bed as he spoke. "[b]I'm going to find Tony… we can do this later… maybe.. I don't… whatever." His feet were already carryng him switfly toward the door.

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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Jun 13 2018, 08:13 PM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


The two were at a stalemate. A battle of wills, only it felt a certain end to the fight was being carved out. With each of his moves Lenny seemed only to further irritate Kyler, but each of Kyler’s only solidified in Lenny the thought that his boyfriend didn’t care.

He hasn’t expected anything when he’d started crying, his emotions just getting the better of him, but feeling Kyler’s weight shift on the bed only to disappear was an added blow and did nothing to help Lenny feel any less distraught. And the words… the words made Lenny feel slightly sick, stopping his sobs even if not his tears. He turned his back and curled in on himself further, arms hugging around his stomach, that was starting to hurt from the stress of it all, disappearing back under the blankets. His bed had always been a safe space but he no longer felt safe or comforted. He felt strangely empty.

”If I knew you would want to talk about all this sex crap I wouldn’t have slept with you.

Lenny didn’t hear much after that, didn’t register anything after the gutting feel of rejection. He didn’t think he needed to. Ky appeared to be leaving, uncaring of Lenny’s feelings, uncaring that his boyfriend was crying, leaving Lenny thinking that it was over. His tears took on new meaning, a mourning for the relationship he thought he’d had and felt he’d lost, not seeing any way back from there. He curled tighter in on himself and wished he could sleep, wished he didn’t have to be awake to face what felt like a horrible nightmare.
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