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 My Right To Be Jealous [M], Lenny Neroni
Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 29 2017, 08:17 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Expectations were a funny thing, the trouble being that a person could expect whatever he or she wanted but there was no guarantee that those assumptions or wants would come to pass. Take, for example, the way that Kyler had fully expected Lenny to come home at a decent hour. It wasn’t even an unreasonable thing to anticipate. He knew Tony had a shift at the bar and since he wouldn’t be there he figured he and Lenny could manage some cuddle time since it had been a while. Predictions were unreliable at the best of times and just plain disappointing at the worst; his predicting that Lenny would arrive ‘any minute now’ had spanned into hours and that eventually turned into Kyler falling asleep on the couch.

The following morning came and as usual consciousness greeted the blonde before anyone else in the apartment. As his awareness grew, he pieced together his surroundings. He was in Tony’s room the comfortable weight of the mime’s body pressed against him and for a long moment he clung tightly to his friend’s sleeping form. King was purring contentedly from the end of the bed and everything in the room was peaceful. Ky couldn’t remember if he had woken up and came to bed or if Tony had carried him but he was grateful to have not spent the night on the couch.

Knowing his restlessness was sure to wake his bestie and put him in a grumpy mood, the blonde disentangled himself and slid out of the bed to slip quietly from Tony’s room. Being up and moving around helped kick start his mind, brushing the haze of sleep aside and bringing forth the usual clarity of his thoughts and the reminder that he had fallen asleep waiting on Lenny to get back, probably from drinking. If he had been drinking he couldn’t have been out much past two since that’s when bars closed, right?

Ky had made a pit stop in the bathroom, to make sure he didn’t have bed head and to use the restroom. When he was finished, he was still bothered by the fact that Lenny had been out so late and not due to work. Maybe he didn’t have a right to be angry at such a thing but that thought hadn’t occurred to the blonde. The fact was that he was mad, he thought of Lenny as his friend now and he felt stood up somehow; hadn’t Lenny wanted to come spend time with him? Kyler’s busy mind wouldn’t let him have peace until he confronted the other about the issue, and the fact that it was way too early for Lenny to be up hadn’t yet occurred to him.

The thought of Tony being in the next room had dawned on him and he cast a hesitant glance at the mime’s door, he had left it cracked open in case King woke up and wanted out. He had blatantly avoided admitting anything to his best friend about anything that had occurred between himself and Lenny but he wasn’t planning on doing anything that the mime might hear so he figured it would be okay to sneak into Lenny’s room; Tony wouldn’t care because he wouldn’t know.

Reassuring himself that it would be okay, he opened the door and slipped into Lenny’s room and pressed the door closed behind him. As much as he had expected the man to return at a reasonable time the night before he had expected to see the brunette strewn across the mattress wrapped in a tangle of sheets. What he saw instead made his heart drop in that sinking betrayal feeling before it was overwhelmed with just plain anger. The bed was empty… the room was empty save for his presence. A series of possible situations flicked through his mind, but Ky couldn’t get past the idea that Lenny had probably found someone to sleep with. Tony had said Lenny slept around… hell, even Lenny had said that he slept around. It bothered Kyler and he didn’t even care why. Forcing an angry sigh, he left the room and closed the door harder than he should have, but he was mad and since he was mad at Lenny the last thing he wanted to do was be surrounded by the man’s things. He settled on pouting grumpily on the couch with a glare fixed on the front door, he hadn’t even bother to get dressed yet.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 02:40 AM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae



Feelings were a funny thing, the trouble being that a person could try and control them but it didn't mean they'd be there when you assumed or not hit you like a freight train when you'd never wanted or expected them. They didn't always make sense. Take, for example, the way that Lenny had gotten used to brushing off Kyler's closeness as just 'hanging out' or being friends to make it easier to try and deny his feelings, but then, one
evening when all evidence seemed to point to exactly that being true, the freight train struck.

He'd been on the couch with Kyler, close, as he'd gotten used to. At some point Tony had come home, Lenny and Kyler had parted slightly so as not to make it too obvious, and that was when it happened. Tony joined them on the couch and it barely took seconds for Kyler to latch himself onto Tony. Lenny's eyes were stuck on the two friends for a moment. Kyler holding Tony's hand, the way he held Lenny's hand, Kyler snuggling up to Tony, the way he snuggled up to Lenny, Kyler resting his head on Tony's shoulder exactly the way he did to Lenny while Lenny was left at the other end of the couch to watch.

After spending so long using excuses to try and justify that he and Kyler were just friends and deny the feelings he had that suggested more, it suddenly hit Lenny with a sickening realisation that they might not just be excuses. They might be true.

He excused himself from the apartment without words other than that he was going to the gym, grabbing his swimming bag and heading out as fast as he could. At the pool, he swam laps, up and down, pushing himself to go faster or keep going and not think about what he was feeling. Those feelings that he'd never asked for, never wanted but that had slowly latched into his psyche after knowing Kyler and were hurting even more than just having them had hurt when they were being ripped away by a new reality.

Kyler obviously acted like he did with Lenny to others. He could have acted like it to everyone for all Lenny knew. The moments Lenny had been scared and shocked by what he thought was some kind of deeper connection must have been some figment of his imagination. He and Kyler really were nothing more than friends. Kyler himself had said it. They were just hanging out, getting to know each other - nothing more. The guy didn't even want to have sex. It seemed painfully obvious the more Lenny thought about it, moving from the pool to the showers and turning the water up as high as he could take it. He let himself feel the anger that was building up inside of him, easier to cope with than certain other emotions. He felt angry at Kyler. Most of all, though, he felt angry at himself. Angry that he'd let himself start to get attached after so long of never falling into that trap. He glared at the tiled wall, emotions raw as the water ran over his body.

When he retrieved his phone from his locker, he sent a quick message to someone he'd hooked up with before. Dark hair, very tall, tan skin, blue eyes - the 'type' Lenny had always thought he had, while also being as different from Kyler as possible. It didn't take long for them to respond.

The next day was reaching into mid-morning by the time Lenny got home. Ruffled, unwashed and with dark circles under his eyes, he fixed his gaze in a stare as he put his key in the lock, hoping Tony and Kyler were both back in bed. He'd return to avoiding Kyler, at least until his usual routine had wiped out the traces of stupid feelings Lenny for some reason felt for him.

When the door opened to reveal Kyler sitting opposite it, glaring ahead, Lenny froze, faltered. He stared back, eyes widening at the anger behind Kyler's eyes, before quickly averting his own and heading over to the kitchen to place his bag on the counter, steadfastly avoiding looking at Kyler and not even issuing a greeting.
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 06:47 AM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Accepting blame wasn’t something Kyler did often, instead he was much more likely to point fingers in any direction other than his own. This situation was no different. Kyler didn’t think he had done anything to merit Lenny’s deliberate absence. He had thought that the man’s behavior the day before had been a little odd but he couldn’t pin point anything that he had done to cause it. Literally, he and Lenny had just been hanging out at the apartment and when Tony got there Lenny just started acting weird. If something had happened between Tony and Lenny he wasn’t aware of it and he was pretty sure at least one of them would have complained about it by now. But no, he was left to assume that Lenny was just being weird.

Even if there was some unspoken issue between the two other men in the apartment the blonde shouldn’t have been made to suffer the consequences of it. It didn’t give Lenny the right to ditch him the night before, or to come in the apartment now with an attitude like Kyler had done anything wrong. The worst part was that the other seemed to be avoiding him too, not even managing a greeting or eye contact. What was his problem? Lenny wasn’t allowed to be mad, Kyler was mad first!

“Where were you?” He asked sourly, making no effort to hide the ice in his voice. His glare had followed as the other moved into the kitchen. Kyler rose from the couch and moved to the edge of the kitchen, ensuring that if Lenny tried to leave he’d have to get closer to the blonde. “I was waiting for you.” Glare still in place he waited impatiently to hear what Lenny had to say for himself.

Sometimes Lenny acted weird and it wasn’t a big deal because Ky thought he was getting better at figuring the man out. The previous night’s absence and the subsequent attitude that had followed that morning had left him feeling blindsided and that feeling was doing little to abate his anger towards Lenny.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 11:47 AM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


Lenny was doing his best to try and pretend like Kyler didn't exist, but it wasn't easy. Even while avoiding eye contact he could feel the other's gaze on him. His skin felt like it burned, his lungs felt like they were too big for his chest, and his resolve was wavering right up until Kyler spoke.

Up until that point, Lenny had been keeping his gaze on his bag, fiddling about with his swim shorts inside as if he had something to do with them. His gaze snapped up. Kyler was standing right between him and his bedroom so he couldn't even run away if he'd wanted to, but he no longer felt like running away. Kyler's words had ignited his anger, his eyes narrowing and burning as he set them on Kyler.

"I was out." Lenny spat the words out, glaring at Kyler. He wanted to leave it at that rather than giving away any of his tumultuous feelings but he just couldn't. Rolling his eyes and battling with himself a second, Lenny turned, his glare a challenge in Kyler's direction. "Why do you care, anyway?" He asked, letting go of his bag and curling his hands into fists. "What the fuck does it matter to you where I am? Are you my fucking parent or shit?"
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 03:02 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Kyler could feel the tension filling the room, coming from both himself and Lenny. He didn't know what the other man's issue was but he wasn't going anywhere without the explanation Lenny owed him. Whatever issues the other was going through he needed to speak up or get over it, Ky was innocent and he wasn't about to be anybody's punching bag.

He knew Lenny was trying to avoid him by the way he wouldn't look at him and how he'd been trying to look busy fiddling with the bag on the counter. He wasn't going anywhere, he wanted answers and Lenny was the only one who could give them. "I was out." The words lashed out followed by a challenging glare. The blonde wasn't backing down.

Why did he care? What did it matter? His anger bubbled at the coarse words. "What I can't be worried about you when you're gone all night?" It was more than that though. "What is your problem anyway?" He bit back, trying not to make any rash accusations just yet. "I'm not your parent but I thought we were friends." Part of him even felt that they were a little more than that but now he wasn't sure what to think.

If there was anything more than friendship Lenny wouldn't have been out all night. Lenny wouldn't have come home looking like he'd had an all night sex session. Kyler wasn't oblivious, just because he abstained from sex, mostly, didn't mean he didn't know what the after effects looked like.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 03:29 PM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


What was Lenny's problem? Lenny wasn't crystal clear on what his problem was. Was he annoyed that he and Kyler were just friends? Or annoyed that he was annoyed by that? It was too deep, too much to think about. Anger was easier. Anger always came easier. It was a familiar constant throughout Lenny's life.

"So what if I was gone all night?" he said back, still challenging, his eyes defiant, daring Kyler to say something. He almost wanted Kyler to say something about it in a strange, twisted way, because that would mean that maybe they weren't just friends. But they were, weren't they? So why did Kyler care where he'd been? "If we're just friends, why the fuck does that matter?" He folded his arms and stared Kyler down, before glancing away. He sighed, eyes still dark. "You're my fucking problem. Bitching at me... doing all this stuff and shit and.. you're the one who said we were just hanging out!" Lenny finally threw the somewhat of a confession at Kyler, it sounding like an accusation or blaming Kyler more than anything else, jabbing a finger in Kyler's direction. It was all Kyler's fault. It was Kyler's fault for making him feel things and for the mess that Lenny's head was in - if it wasn't for Kyler, he'd still be fine.
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Anthony Bryant
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 03:49 PM
Quote
Newcomer
Kat


He wrinkled his brow ‘n reached an arm back to stretch his back. It didn’t fix shit. Somewhere in his head was this stupid fucking dream about squirrels chattering at eachother.

"Squeek squeek squeek squeek!” Cried Ky-squirrel.
”Chatter chatter chatter CHATTER!!!” complained Lenny-squirrel.
”Squeek Squeeeek” Ky-squrrel replied indignantly, beginning to gnaw on a big nut.
”Squieekity Squeek Screech.” Complained Lenny, his tail bushing then wiggling with signs of squirrely murder.

Jeezus this dream sucked.

”Squeek.”
”hisss”
”Chatter.”
”Chirp”

Little did they know that King was coming towards them. He had a crown on his head ‘n he was totally gonna eat them if they didn’t get out of there.

”RUN YOU FUCKING IDIOTS” Cried Tony, suddenly realizing he was a squirrel too. Why was he a squirrel? What the fuck is this? Why did his feet have to be so small? Did this mean he could crack open nuts? Did he need to build a nest?

The sound of King’s purr roared in his ears. SHIT! The cat was right behind him!!! GAH!!! HE WAS LICKING HIM! LICKING HIM! He was totally tasting him for that final bite. Fuck fuck.

”purrrr.” Fuck, not his face! Not his face!

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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 30 2017, 05:35 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


At least Ky knew where his anger stemmed from, he was thoroughly irritated with Lenny for having ditched him, evidently for a night with some trollop. Justified or not at least it made sense to him. Sometimes he felt like Lenny’s mood swings were worse than a woman’s; what even went on in that guy’s head? He wasn’t so concerned with any other time but what was going on in Lenny’s head right now and why was he so hostile?

“So what if I was gone all night? If we're just friends, why the fuck does that matter?” The man’s gaze was unwavering but Kyler didn’t recoil, glaring back just as firmly. His determined stare broke briefly by a roll of his eyes at the words. “Don’t be so dense, Lenny.” He sneered, purposefully pushing at Lenny’s insecurities. “It matters because we friends.” The blonde would have questioned Tony as to his whereabouts if the mime had spent all night out too, he just might not have such a betrayed feeling. Kyler knew he and Tony were just friends, that didn’t make him any less jealous but he hadn’t slept with Tony.

He and Lenny had, on multiple occasions, gotten carried away and too physical… too personal for Kyler. “You're my fucking problem. Bitching at me... doing all this stuff and shit and.. you're the one who said we were just hanging out!” “Me?!” The snippy response had twisted his expression into offended confusion. “What the hell did I do?” No, seriously, what did he do?

“Don’t try to turn this on me. You’re the one who couldn’t be bothered to come home, too busy sticking your dick in some whore.” That hadn’t been proven yet but he didn’t really care, he just wanted asked a simple question and Lenny was being a defensive ass about it and that was making Kyler’s mood worse. “What does ‘hanging out’ have to do with anything?” His voice was quieter, his gaze finally veering away from Lenny targeting the floor instead.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 02:56 AM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


"Don’t be so dense, Lenny.” It was bad enough Kyler jabbing at a sore spot, but the sneer accompanying the words really hurt. They had their intended effect. Lenny frowned, frozen in uncertainty, the words getting under his skin and making him doubt himself, but just for a moment. The next his anger was back with fuller force than before. "Don't be such a fucking dick." He threw back at Kyler, spitting the words at him.

Why did their being friends make where Lenny had been matter? Was it just Kyler's way of confirming they were only friends? But why did he care? Lenny was so confused. He didn't know what he wanted, what he was arguing for or even exactly why he was so angry at Kyler, he only knew that he was angry, and hurt. That was about as far as he was willing to delve into the mess of his troubled thoughts.

"Tony's my friend and he doesn't bitch at me if I go out!" Lenny tried to defend himself, tried to stick to his guns that it was Kyler who was being strange, not himself, though everything Kyler said and with such certainty too, bought about a little more doubt that chipped away at Lenny's argument. Every bit of doubt brought on more anger.

Turning what on Kyler? The whole thing was Kyler's fault! "What? What've I done? This' all your fucking fault!" He was growing close to shouting, exasperated. Kyler grew quiet, no longer returning Lenny's defiance and Lenny was just left to feel deflated, frustrated and a little guilty. "What?" He shook his head, in disbelief that Kyler seemed to be trying to plead innocent about the just hanging out rule, "You said it! You're the one who said we're just hanging out! You said that, and then... you keep doing stuff! Stop trying to make me feel guilty when all this is your fucking fault! What's wrong with me fucking people?? It's what I do... other people'd... other friends'd... be happy for me or shit, not bitching at me! It's not even like you wanna have sex with me, you said you didn't want that." Lenny finished with his rant and glared sulkily at Kyler. See? It was all the blonde's fault.
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 10:04 AM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Arguing came easy for him, being angry and snippy was his instinctive defense. He hadn’t been planning on fighting with Lenny but he hadn’t been avoiding it either. Since he was upset and angry he didn’t care if his bad attitude rubbed off on Lenny as long as he got what he wanted from the situation.

In a way, he had gotten what he wanted. His words a specific jab at what he knew to be a weak spot for the other, a blatant dig at Lenny’s intelligence. It was a cheap shot but he didn’t care. “Don't be such a fucking dick.” The words were more forceful but Ky’s reaction was simply rolling his eyes. Lenny’s biting words were enough to bother him but not enough to catch him off guard. He still hadn’t been answered as to where the man had been even if he had a pretty solid idea about it.

“Tony's my friend and he doesn't bitch at me if I go out!” So? “I’m not fucking Tony!” In case that wasn’t ridiculously obvious. Kyler and Tony were quite opposite on many levels. Ky didn’t act like Tony, he didn’t look like Tony, and he didn’t think like Tony; not that there was anything wrong with how the mime acted but it wasn’t Kyler. Besides that, he was almost positive that Lenny and Tony hadn’t done anything sexual so that comparison wasn’t even a good point of reference. The comment had bothered him more than the other ones though and he wasn’t entirely sure why.

“What? What've I done? This' all your fucking fault!” Was he serious? Kyler could feel his heart racing and his body on the verge of shaking in his ever-rising anger. ‘What’ve I done?’ The question reverberated in his mind, angering him more. “You fucked somebody else!” He was shouting, not even realizing that it contradicted everything else he had said. “You said it! You're the one who said we're just hanging out! You said that, and then... you keep doing stuff! Stop trying to make me feel guilty when all this is your fucking fault! What's wrong with me fucking people?? It's what I do... other people'd... other friends'd... be happy for me or shit, not bitching at me! It's not even like you wanna have sex with me, you said you didn't want that.” Fuck, he was right; Lenny was so right.

Ky didn’t know how to feel, he was felt broken somehow and defeated. His anger had morphed into something else, something he couldn’t describe, but it still left him shaking. “Fine, Lenny. Do what you want… Do who you want. But don’t expect me to be happy for you.” He was still being loud, hoping that yelling might bring back anything more than the emptiness he currently felt. “You know it’s different with us.” Neither of them had dared say it before but it was a last ditch effort on Ky’s part to try and make Lenny get why he was upset. His arms, which had been crossed, had now shifted to more hugging himself.

He wanted to go, get out of the conversation and avoid this inner turmoil. He thought momentarily about crawling back into bed with Tony and finding solace there, but running from whatever this thing with Lenny was hadn’t worked before.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 11:11 AM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae


Lenny knew Kyler wasn't Tony, the two men were incredibly different. Still, Tony acted like Lenny expected a friend to act, he cared, but he wasn't in Lenny's life all the time, asking what he did or who he saw or behaving strangely when Lenny hooked up with people. He'd thought his relationship with Kyler was very different to his one with Tony too until the closeness between the other two left him wondering otherwise. There was something different about Kyler. Lenny couldn't quite put his finger on it, couldn't quite describe or put into a box the feeling he had for Kyler, but it was different to how he felt for Tony.

Yes, Lenny had fucked somebody else, but he hadn't thought the else needed to come into it, he hadn't thought he and Kyler were anything to merit an else. He glared miserably at Kyler, rolling his eyes. He wanted to feel angry. He did still feel angry, but he was also feeling something else as Kyler told him to do what he wanted. He was prepared to just end up walking away from the argument, anything they'd built up lost, his suspicions confirmed that Kyler wanted nothing more than being friends with him and now - he might not even want that. It felt like he was getting nowhere. They were getting nowhere.

Then, finally, one of them was brave enough to broach whatever it was between them.

“You know it’s different with us.”

Lenny stared at Kyler, dumbstruck. Those words were all it took to throw him off course, leaving him feeling cold, hairs standing on ends, goosebumps covering his arms and a feeling like his brain had just short-circuited. He didn't know whether he felt relieved that Kyler thought they were different or petrified that it was different between them - or both conflicting feelings somehow at the same time. He stared at the blonde, feeling like he couldn't catch his breath. Finally, he tore his gaze away as he had to think of what to say. He glanced down to the kitchen counter, leaning heavily against it, eyes still wide with shock.

"I..." He started, sounding strangely hoarse. He rolled his eyes, exasperated at the struggle of trying to formulate words and sentences that made sense when it still felt like his brain couldn't work, still getting over the shock. "I thought... I thought it was..." he frowned, taking a deep breath, biting at his lip and letting out short exhales as he struggled to think. He shook his head, finally looking up to gaze at Kyler again. "Is it?" He asked, voice quiet, honestly asking. His heart was thudding away in his chest like it might just beat out of his body. He swallowed, sniffed, and looked away again, "All the stuff we do... you do with Tony. ...and you're just friends." He said, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting with his hands, trying to make sense of everything and not feel too shocked, stressed or pressured over the intensity of the conversation. His gaze darted to the blonde again. "You said we were just hanging out." He said it softer this time. It was no longer an accusation to be hurled at Kyler but an explanation. What had started off as a convenient excuse for Lenny to bypass his issues with commitment and dating had turned into something twisted instead, a niggling reminder that he didn't know what their boundaries were, what they were.
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 12:09 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Ky knew, mostly, that his friendship with Tony pushed beyond the normal boundaries of what an average friend relationship was. That was just how he had always been with the mime and Tony had let him be overly clingy so he had never seen any reason to change and he hadn't had other friendships to compare it too. His behavior with Tony was, or had been, reserved for only him. In retrospect, it probably was confusing to witness from Lenny's point of view, but Lenny didn't see everything.

Kyler needed boundaries with Lenny because he didn't trust himself otherwise. It had been made clear to him early on that Lenny didn't do mushy stuff, feelings and relationships were things he avoided and Ky had tried to protect himself from wanting that. It, clearly, hadn't had the desired effect. They had both been avoiding drawing attention to that aspect but Kyler was sure it wasn't just him feeling it and now it had surfaced in an awkward way, leaning Kyler unsure of what to expect.

Though he had been deliberately not looking at Lenny he risked a glance that turned into a hesitant stare. Watching as the other braced against the counter looking visibly shaken by what had been said. Ky didn't know if that was good or bad but it was something, a step in a direction other than anger. He listened as patiently as he could manage while Lenny struggled to put his thoughts into functional sentences.

Frowning at the second comparison the other made to Tony, Ky struggled not to react. Instead, he waited for the other to finish. "I don't do all the stuff we do with Tony. " The words were reassuring more than defensive. "And we were just hanging out, I didn't think it would change but it did." He paused, taking a chance and moving closer to Lenny, hesitantly covering one of the man's hands with his own. He sighed heavily. "I don't... I don't want to just hang out anymore." He could feel his heart pounding, terrified of what Lenny might say next but the man had been right. He couldn't fault Lenny for sleeping with someone else if Kyler hadn't been honest with him about how he felt.
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 12:54 PM
Quote
Newcomer
Caturae



Everything they had been putting effort into not tackling or acknowledging was suddenly right there in front of them, leaving Kyler and Lenny no option but to tackle it. It wasn't easy for either of them. Lenny felt like he'd be better equipped to run a marathon right there and then or go and be the president or fly out into space or anything but the challenge he was going through. It wasn't only that he didn't want to - although he was split, desiring Kyler and fearing commitment, it was more than that. He didn't know how.

He ducked his head down at Kyler's admission that his friendship with Tony was different, contemplating that thought with a frown. It felt both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Gone was the worry that Kyler didn't feel the same as him, but so was the excuse that Kyler did this or that with Tony so it was okay for them to do it without it needing to mean anything deeper.

It was so messed up. Lenny didn't know how to sort out one thought from another, but he knew one thing. He wanted Kyler. It wasn't easy to admit, but he really wanted him. Something had changed vastly since their hanging out, feelings had developed, but even beyond that, there was just something about Kyler that he'd felt even on the first day they'd met, even in spite of their arguing.

Lenny nodded, his stare caught on his hand under Kyler's, but he didn't move away. He let his eyes close, appreciating the contact, trying to think and trying not to panic. His heart was still hammering away in his chest. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking at Kyler. His expression was still a mixture of fear, longing and frustration of their being no easy way out, no easy option. He nodded again, licking his lips which felt dry. "Yeah." He said, an agreement, even if he couldn't find the words to actually say it, he meant it. He didn't want to just hang out anymore either - he didn't know if he could. He glanced to the floor and then up to Kyler again, "What... do you wanna do?" He asked, voice still soft, cautious - scared that he was admitting anything even if Kyler had made the first step. He closed his mouth, biting at his lip again, expression contorting, feeling the pressure to say something more before adding, "What are... we gonna do?" He moved closer, slipping his hand out from under Kyler's so he could reach and hold his hand instead, gripping it tightly.
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Kyler Landon
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 01:22 PM
Quote
Stranger
Ry


Having feelings wasn't the worst possible thing, admitting that he had feelings wasn't even the worst. The suspense was what was killing him. He knew how he felt for Lenny and he had addressed that it's was more than friendly. But, he also knew Lenny didn't want feelings or relationships or anything that might mean being attached to someone else. Kyler had felt that too, though on a different level.

That level and common understanding between the two of them NOT wanting anything serious had now been shattered, broken beyond all repair. Kyler had made sure of that when he's said he didn't want to just hang out anymore and the suspense that built with every moment Lenny didn't say anything was almost too much.

It felt like drowning, trying to break the surface of the water and feeling so close but just not getting there, needing to breathe but knowing that trying would seal the fate. He wanted to breathe but couldn't make himself do it, not until Lenny spoke. "Yeah."

Ky wasn't sure what it meant but Lenny hadnt completely shut down or bolted from the room so maybe it wasn't so bad. Finally, he could breathe.What did he want? The question felt heavy but not loaded and he tried to think, and then "What are... we gonna do?" The simple question brought a hint of a smile to his features. 'We', the word signified a unit ,something they were both part of.

Lenny had moved closer, holding his hand now and Kyler took advantage of the closeness to pull the other man against him in a much needed embrace. "I, honestly, don't know." He mumbled, still holding tightly to the other. "I just don't want to share you."
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Lenny Neroni
 Posted: Mar 31 2017, 02:12 PM
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Newcomer
Caturae


Lenny released a long awaiting exhale as he was pulled into Kyler's arms, the shocked state he was in slowly starting to release the pressure it felt it was putting on his whole body - cramping his lungs, squeezing his heart, spinning his stomach into knots. It was so much easier, somehow, to not worry about things and to just feel Kyler's arms around him and Kyler's body under his own hands as he gripped him in a hug. He let out a small, contented sigh and closed his eyes.

It still left them in a position of not having any idea where they stood. Lenny stroked the material of Kyler's shirt between his fingers, fidgeting with it slightly as he tried to think. Kyler offered something even if it was only what he didn't want, but it was more substance than Lenny knew how to vocalise.

"Like... just you?" he asked, opening his eyes to blink over Kyler's shoulder, contemplating that thought. He'd never been monogamous in any form. He'd never restricted himself sexually to only one person. It felt strange, weird, unknown... but maybe it wasn't necessarily bad. "Just... me and you?" He nodded slightly, still thinking, "We could do that." He said quietly, "I mean... it... it feels kinda weird, not you, but, just... me. I've never done that kind of thing before." He grew quiet again, "I wouldn't wanna share you if you slept with other people." He admitted, mumbling. "And... I mean, do you... would you still not wanna do stuff, or..." He let his sentence hang in the air, knowing how much more difficult it would be for him to only sleep with Kyler if he wasn't even sleeping with Kyler.

His mind drifted to his job and the unusual, tricky situation with his boss. He tensed, eyes bugging slightly as he thought about it. "...I, uh... I need to... I should tell you..." He took in a deep breath and paused, momentarily distracted by something for a second and losing concentration. "Wait..."He nuzzled his face into the side of Kyler's neck and took a sniff, a very loud, obvious one. "Do you... smell like strawberries?" he asked, pulling back slightly so he could frown at Kyler. He let his frown fade. "I... I feel like I'm gonna wake up and this' been some weird fucking dream." He admitted.
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